I am excited to share my first contribution to the Sleepingallison & khaia.jpg with Money series and hope you enjoy the article. I have alluded to my relationship briefly in past articles. My partner, Khaia, and I were both formally employed when we met. Medical insurance, employer matched 401Ks, and paid vacations were the norm. Ahhhhh, the good ol’ days. Truthfully, they didn’t last long.

Somewhere in our first week of dating, I learned that Khaia was planning to move across the country. We dated for about 6 weeks before she left town. She moved to Savannah, Georgia, and began renovating old Victorian homes. She dreamt about owning a late 1800s home and was on the path to building her own business.

I was laid off from my gig with a small marketing/advertising firm not long after Khaia’s departure. My lease was up on my apartment and because of my newly adopted dog, my landlord wouldn’t renew my lease. After crying gallons of tears about my lost new love, my lost job, and my lost apartment, I felt like a bad country song. I picked my self up by the boot straps and made a decision. What’s a girl to do but pack it all away in storage and follow her girl cross country!

Savannah is a few hours from my hometown and I figured it would be a great place to relax, visit family, and decide which direction to head next. Situated in an adorable apartment, Khaia welcomed my arrival. During those balmy summer months, I drafted a business plan and made arrangements to move back to Oakland. (I was quickly reminded of the reasons I chose not to live in the South.) Needless to say, Khaia moved back to the Bay Area about three months after me, before Christmas in fact.

Six years later, Khaia and I are both fully self-employed. We are part of the increasing self-employed workforce. The National Association for the Self-Employed estimates there are 15.6 million women-owned businesses in the United States (as of 2002). And Khaia further belongs to the 1.2 million of privately-held firms owned by women of color.

There are some down sides to self-employment. Between her construction business and my tax and accounting work, there’s never a lack of conversation. In fact we have to remind ourselves to stop talking about work. We don’t have consistent, reliable income like some of our friends. We have to be very self-disciplined when it comes to money. And I sure miss having an employer match contributions to my retirement account.

However, the rewards are plentiful. I think Khaia and I work together incredibly well. I think our dual self-employment has made us a stronger team than if we had been formally employed. There have been times when one of our businesses slows down. Fortunately they’ve coincided with flourishing times in the other business. For example, when this past tax season slowed down, Khaia’s phone was ringing off the hook with spring time construction projects like decks and remodels.

There have been many changes over the course of our relationship. In 2003 we bought our first home…an 1880 Victorian. Khaia just hired her first employee last month. We are human and still get stress out about money, budgets and finances. In fact, Khaia is the one to loose sleep over such issues, while I’m going gray. None the less, I can’t imagine working for anyone else. Nothing a few naps in a hammock and bottled hair color can’t fix!

Thanks again for reading this installment of Sleeping with Money. Check back for more stories from our personal lives about the financial lessons and insight we learn from our partners. We enjoy hearing your stories too. Share your self-employment experiences with Queercents readers below!