I worry about my parents’ retirement plans and future medical care. As I’ve gotten older and more involved in the personal finance community, the prospect of my own retirement has come up more and more. I find I’m faced with the possibility of having to care for four elderly people. A little background: I’m 32; my parents were both divorced and subsequently remarried when I was 10. There are no step siblings.

My half-sister is fifteen years younger and I’m not sure she’ll be in a financial position to provide assistance when its needed. The good news is that my dad’s financially stable and already in a comfortable retirement. My mom, not so much’”she’s self-employed, smokes and has no health insurance. I thought I’d collect some insight and wisdom from QC readers on this issue.

Is it okay to criticize your parents for not being financially responsible? Clearly I wouldn’t tell a friend or stranger how to manage their money unless they asked me or were reading my thoughts within the contents of a blog. But if their savings decisions have a long term impact on me then it seems like I should have some input.

For now whenever I get a birthday check from my mom I slip in into a CD.

Is it rude to ask if there’s life insurance or inheritance? Personally I’m not banking on it being there. However given all my parents’ relative age disparities, life insurance or windfall could really help out with retirement and medical expenses if they should come up. (I should mention the rather morbid tidbit that all four of my biological grandparents died of cancer.)

If you have to have these conversations eventually’¦ then when is the best time? There’s no two more delicate personal topics than money and mortality. Having this discussion between healthy independent adults just seems a little strange and creepy. But when the conversations go from uncomfortable to urgent it’s possibly too late.

Is it our responsibility to take care of everyone 100%? Double parental medical and senior care expenses could derail my own agenda for retirement so I need to start thinking about what care I’m realistically able to provide. Unlike my parents I don’t have a next generation to look after me which puts me even more on my own, not to mention the potential diminishment of social security.

There are resources on this blog. Nina has written about long term care insurance, for example’”but I’m interested in readers’ opinion as well.

I should mention:
There is an upside to being gay and gray. I realize it’s kind of a depressing post so I’ll leave you with one comforting thought: In spite of our understandable fears about growing old, studies show that gays and lesbians adapt better to Aging than straights. We’re better at building support networks outside of our families and better at dealing with stigma.

How much of your financial strategy accounts for the care of others? How would you feel as parents? Let me know in the comments.

When not fearing for the uncertain future, Mike occasionally updates Broken Cupid, a dating blog for single gay guys.