Queercents

It’s raining here in DC. It rained yesterday. And I’ll bet it will rain tomorrow. My one-year-old is going stir-crazy; usually, we spend as much of the day outdoors as possible. It is on days like this that I question my commitment to a t.v.-free household!

But motherhood is the Queercents invention of ingenuity. Realizing that we faced many such rainy days in our family’s future, my partner and I started brainstorming for fun, cheap, creative, t.v.-free ways to entertain our kid, both at this age, and older ages. Of course there are always museums and so forth, but I’m most interested in stuff that you can do in your home, for free, without schlepping/parking/paying. So here goes: our five cheapo rainy day projects. What are yours?

1) Become a published author: make a book.
Use the situation at hand as the theme: what would your kid rather be doing on this rainy day? Going to the moon? Surfing in Mauii? Surfing on the moon? Read the rest of this entry »

So we’ve just gone on the market for a nanny. It’s an odd business, finding a substitute mama for your baby. What is it that you’re paying for, exactly? Skill? Sensitivity? A clean driving record?

All that, and something more. Something priceless. Something bordering on the impossible: piece of mind.

There’s no formula for how to find a good nanny, but here are some tips that I picked up along the way, that I think are particularly relevant for queer families.

1) Be clear about what you want, and what you’re offering.

Find out what the going rates are for the best quality nannies in your area, and offer exactly that. Don’t be cheap, but don’t try to buy quality and loyalty, either.

Be crystal-clear about your expectations. In my first email or phone exchange, I make it clear that my household is a queer, nonsmoking, no-t.v. household. I also explain that I will be home much of the time when the nanny is there (I am a writer), but that I need the nanny to leave me alone as much as possible. Read the rest of this entry »

Are you an anti-materialistic parent like me?Do you eschew gifts—giving and /or getting them—for kids’ birthday parties? Well, you’re part of a trend. Lots of parents are trying to deescalate the birthday wars, and are opting out altogether from the tradition of giving and getting gifts at kids’ birthdays.

I respect that. I can understand why a parent might not want to encourage mindless materialism. We want our kids to find value in experiences, not just objects; doesn’t the whole gift-giving birthday frenzy undermine that? Why not do away with birthday gifts and instead either ask for donations to a favorite cause (which in my daughter’s case would be the Save a Binky Foundation) or simply enjoy the day without gifts?

Well, on this one, I’m old-fashioned. I like gifts: getting them, but most of all, giving them. And I think the best gifts are neither expensive nor materialistic. They’re expressions of our feelings toward the recipient, whether we make them ourselves (which I prefer) or buy them. And I think you can raise your kids to be antimaterialistic and still enjoy giving them gifts. Read the rest of this entry »

Buried in this week’s headlines about the election, sex scandals, and so on, was this item: “Toxins Found in Leading Organic Brands”. Upsetting, no?

New tests show that known (and utterly inorganic) petrochemical-based carcinogens, which are particularly harmful to babies and children, were found in a shockingly wide range of skin and beauty products labeled and marketed as ‘organic.’

Some of these products are even marketed specifically to babies! Here’s the complete list, and the results of the study.

According to the results of the study, “the California Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) classes 1,4-Dioxane as a leading contaminant of groundwater and suspects it to be a kidney toxicant, neurotoxicant and respiratory toxicant.” Yikes! Read the rest of this entry »

It’s finally spring, which means… it’s baby shower season. I’m up to my ears in showers; I have four friends who are so pregnant they’re about to pop, and one who just adopted.

Though I’m not a fan of most over-commercialized holidays, I love the ritual of honoring someone on the brink of parenthood. And it’s often the last chance to have uninterrupted adult time with them (of either the coffee klatsch or XXX variety) for… oh, eighteen years or so.

But though I love the spirit of the baby shower, I don’t embrace its commercialism (and underlying assumptions about gender, parenthood, and all the rest). So no, I’m not a fan of pink or blue onesies, prefab baby books, puerile joke gifts, or cookie cutter “you’re special, new mom!” sentiments. I strive to make my shower gifts memorable, meaningful, eco-conscious… and cheap. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Readers: I must confess the truth: I am a New Parent Money-Waster.

Every week, I regale you with tales of my attempts to save money while saving the planet. Economize! I exhort you. Resist consumerism Reduce, reuse, recycle! Resist the temptations of Buy Buy Baby. Think before you click! Did a child laborer get carpal tunnel making that cheapo onesie? Is that ‘clear’ infant soap really organic? Do you really need that plastic tchochke?

Kill your TV! End consumerism! Turn your kids on to real values!

Yet I, your environmentally conscious, feministical, conservationist, anti-materialist, and above all, CHEAP Queercents parent have fallen pray to the seductions of the expensive, the poorly-made, the wasteful, and yes: the non-recyclable.

To save you from a similar fate, I’ve compiled a list of the Worst of the Worst purchases that I made for my baby. So here is my list of pricey, environmentally unsustainable, and all-around wasteful purchases made during my baby’s first year.

1. Five different, utterly useless thermometers.
Every baby book will tell you that one ‘must’ to purchase before your baby arrives is a baby thermometer. What they don’t tell you is which one to purchase. Read the rest of this entry »

“What a cute little boy!” says a well-meaning middle-aged lady in a tight pink coat.

“Thanks. She’s a girl, actually.”

“Oh!” The lady looks disapprovingly at our daughter’s green dino onesie and matching pants, and then decides to smile.

We get this about twenty times a day. Why? Well, we’ve decided to dress our daughter in stripes of all colors, pants in everything but blue and pink, and those cool A Little Lark onesies with trees, bikes, and other groovy graphics in gender-neutral colors.

We don’t do pink, frills, lace, or dresses (except for parties). Nor do we do blue, sailor outfits, paramilitary gear, junior banker outfits, or any of the other outfits that conventionally mark a baby as male in our culture. Dresses are uncomfortable and constricting for babies; our daughter tends to pull them up over her shoulders—surely not the ‘ladylike’ look they’re intended to create! Read the rest of this entry »

“But Mommy, I WANT it!”

What parent hasn’t given in to that plea, when you know a tantrum will follow if you say no?

Shopping with kids can be challenging. They’re bombarded with materialistic messages; they aren’t developmentally capable of understanding the concept of delayed gratification; and they want, need, have to have the latest toy craze, bubblegum flavor, or tchochke by the checkout counter. Marketers are smart—they know kids are easy targets, and direct their advertising bucks toward little grabby, grubby hands. It’s enough to make any parent throw up her hands and open up her wallet.

But I believe that every time we go to the store, we’re modeling the values about money, materialism, thrift, and value that we want our children to absorb. So here are some tips that will help you resist even the whiniest whines. Read the rest of this entry »

N’s first b-day is just around the corner! I can’t believe it’s been a year. (But when I look at how insanely cute she is and how insanely tired I am, I can!) We had a difficult birth, and for that and other reasons, held off on a formal celebration upon her arrival. So we’re planning a first-birthday blowout to make up for it.

Here’s what we’ve done so far to cut costs without skimping on joy:

Invitations: We’re doing these by hand, using color photocopies of N’s original art on card stock. We decided to invite everyone in our lives, including folks who may not come but want to feel included.

Cost: Invitations-$0; Stamps-$10

Party Site: Chez N. Our home is free, reasonably large, and in good shape. We’ll clear out the furniture in the living room, borrow some chairs from friends, and decorate with blown-up baby pics, as well as balloons and whatever other cheap or handmade stuff we can come up with.

Cost: $20 Read the rest of this entry »

“Oh, so you shop at Whole Paycheck?”

“Organics! Well, my family can’t afford that.”

“We didn’t have all these special organic products when we were growing up, and we’re fine, so why bother?”

These are some of the comments friends and family make when they hear that we’re trying to raise our kid in an organic environment. The popular conception is that you can either be cost or health conscious—not both. But I’ve found that some of the most organic, natural lifestyle choices you and your family can make are also the most cost-effective.

As for the ‘geez, we didn’t bother with this in my day and we’re fine” argument, I would argue that we are in fact on the verge of an ecological disaster due to our dependence on petrochemicals that impacts all of us. Moreover, as a 41-year-old with three friends incapacitated by allergies, two friends struggling with cancer, and one six feet under from an unidentified illness, I just can’t buy that the damage we’ve done to the environment isn’t in fact corroding our health—and our childrens’. And this is one case where I’d definitely rather be safe than sorry! Read the rest of this entry »