Queercents

As a newly-hired gay executive in a huge global company, how much do you reveal about yourself, and to whom? Your first moves could make or break your career with the company, so I intended to start out strong, confident — and out. Of course, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry…

My very first day, we had a global team meeting all morning, with people dialed in from around the world. I was introduced and asked to say a few words about my past experience and my new role. Afterwards, all the staff in the headquarters were treated to a nice lunch, and one of my new direct reports asked me, in front of quite a few onlookers, “What’s your wife’s name, and what does she do?” Read the rest of this entry »

So last time I wrote about the long, drawn-out process of interviewing as a gay executive, including the day of fun (not) psychometric testing. In the end, I got the job. In the Midwest. About 1200 miles away from where I live now.

Fear not, executives are not expected to move themselves. It’s still a hassle, but a lot of perks are in place to smooth the way. And I’m delighted to say my new company explicitly mentions executive “spouses/partners” on every page of their printed relocation policies. Read the rest of this entry »

Earlier in my career, job interviews were pretty straightforward: meet with the would-be boss and possibly a few other folks, all on one day, and then wait to hear if you get an offer. Sometimes there were two rounds, a few weeks apart. But executive interviewing is a lot more complex, even if you are working with a headhunter, and the subject of your sexual orientation will almost certainly come up. In the case of the job I recently landed, it went like this:

Round One: an executive headhunter called and asked me the standard pitch: whether I “knew anyone who might be interested” in a position his firm had been retained to fill. When I expressed interest, he asked for my resume (which fortunately was up to date) and we made a time to speak by phone to go over my qualifications and ‘fit’ for this role. What actually transpired during that 30 minute phone call was a laundry list of whether I had experience in X, whether I had experience in Y, and what was prompting me to look for a new role at this point in my life. This round is called a “screen” and it sorts out people who look good on paper from people who would actually appeal to the company looking to fill the executive role. It is usually conducted by a junior recruiter and if you are successful, you will then be scheduled for a follow-up with the senior headhunter who is actually filling the role. Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome to a new series by Queercents called “Gay Executive Life”. What’s it really like to be an executive at a global corporation? What are the perks, the trials, the cloak-and-dagger politics? How does reality stack up to the myth and legend? Most importantly, what are the lessons learned that can help others interested in climbing the corporate ladder?

One of the best tips I ever got was from a boss years ago, who said “At this level Rich, you should never apply for a job again.” It’s true–if an executive is doing the job properly, it means he or she is in the public eye. By “public” I don’t necessarily mean front page of the newspaper or daily talk shows, but I do mean networking, noting emerging trends, and gathering best practices in the field to help your company succeed. And by doing so, you will also be attracting the attention of headhunters, or more properly “executive recruiters” whose job it is to fill open executive positions with top talent. You should NEVER apply for a job: let the headhunters bring precisely screened job opportunities to you. Read the rest of this entry »

This has always been a really tough one for me: I’m walking down the street, minding my own business, and someone (usually looking really roughed up) asks for money. It’s a conundrum for me: clearly, lack of money is a serious problem for this individual, and I can spare a few bucks. On the other hand, I have no idea where the money would go once I give it. To drink? Drugs? Organized crime? Or just a sandwich or a warm place to sleep for the night?

Similarly, on many street corners in midtown Manhattan, homeless advocates (who often look homeless themselves) have set up a little table and red bucket, shouting relentlessly “Please help the homeless! Just a penny! Just a penny will help someone in need!” Yes, it might. Or it might perpetuate a problem without addressing the underlying issue.

And what is the underlying issue? Perhaps lack of education. Perhaps a completely screwed up family situation, that led to a downward spiral of self-destructive behaviors and hopelessness. Perhaps it’s mental illness that makes it difficult or impossible to function in a structured environment. Read the rest of this entry »

For the past two years, Americans have been very naughty. After many years of saving around 2% of our disposable personal income, we have now become a nation who, collectively, spend more than we earn. This doesn’t mean we don’t have any savings. We can have plenty of savings, and still spend more than we earn–this just means we are tapping into savings (or racking up more debt than savings) in order to fund our lifestyles.

The U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis is non-partisan. They do their research and record keeping just the same whether a Republican or a Democrat is in the White House, and the news isn’t good.
What is disposable personal income? “The total amount of money available for an individual or population to spend or save after taxes have been paid” according to the New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been seeing a lot of headlines like this lately, including the New York Times today “Housing Slump Pinches States in Pocketbook.” But I couldn’t figure out why. We don’t pay sales tax when we buy a house, so why do local, state and federal governments care if homes for sale sit around unsold? And while homeowners pay property taxes (boy, do we!) those taxes are based on home appraisals that are figured once a decade maybe. So again, why does it hurt government budgets if home prices stagnate or fall? A mystery — until I read below the headlines.

“[H]omeowners who tapped into plentiful home equity and spent extravagantly during the real estate boom have started to cut back.” (NYT)

“Falling prices of existing houses also discourage people from borrowing against home equity. The result is lower consumer spending, and less tax revenue.” (Bloomberg)

“South Floridians are no longer using their home equity like an ATM and are worried about increasing housing costs.” (Miama Herald) Read the rest of this entry »

So many lessons we’ve learned, positive and negative, in Sleeping With Money. My story today is about a person I dated while attending Divinity School (yes, that’s school for studying religion) at Harvard in the ’90s.

What a motley crew at Harvard Div: the two largest groups were the true-believer Catholics, and then the anti-Catholics (including many women) who were angry at the church they grew up in, and were educating themselves to fight. We also had Protestants of all denominations, from very liberal UCC (”Unitarians Considering Christ”) to Southern Baptist hellfire and brimstone. We also had a good number of Jews, Hindus, a few Muslims, a good number of atheists, and me, a crypto-Buddhist.

What I honestly didn’t know before I arrived was how very gay most seminaries and divinity schools are! I swear, by my reckoning, about 40% of the student population was not straight. We even had a running joke that the smallest ‘club’ on campus, the Straight White Men, all three of them, could meet in the janitor’s broom closet. The gay folks basically ran the place, dominated discussions, and they dated. And how! Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t know about you, but I travel a hell of a lot for work, both within the U.S. and internationally. Over the years I’ve learned some tips that might help you be savvy with your time, energy, and money–even if things don’t always go as planned! Having just come back last night from a week (was it only a week?) in Paris for business, I thought I would share a few practices while they are still fresh in my mind.

My experience is that traveling for work and traveling for pleasure are really different; I’ve also tried to mix the two, and I’m not sure it works. (I took my partner Rob with me to London last summer for 2 weeks: he got to stroll around taking in the sights, while I was tied up almost every day and returned each night a big ball of stress.)

Traveling for pleasure, it’s easier to take your time. Your flight is delayed? So what? So you get to your hotel a little later. When traveling for business, a screw up can really matter. A late arrival might mean you miss your connection, or you miss your client altogether. A lost bag might mean you attend your meetings looking like crap. Lost sleep can equal a shabby performance. So here are a few suggestions. Read the rest of this entry »

Ken Page, LCSW, psychotherapist and lecturer, is also the director and founder of numerous LGBT personal growth events including the upcoming LGBT Spring Intimacy and Spirituality Retreat. He is also the founder of Deeper Dating, a dating event for singles committed to deeper values which has received much attention in the New York LGBT media. He believes that LGBT people hold unique gifts, and that healing involves rediscovering and embracing these gifts, which have often been shunned in our families and by the larger culture. Ken is also the proud father of five-year-old David Page.

1. Time Out New York magazine calls Deeper Dating “the new-craze dating event … a combination personal-growth workshop and singles mixer.” It also costs money. What are participants paying for?
Participants at Deeper Dating have the opportunity to meet people of depth, and to refine their dating skills in a safe and exciting learning environment. Our facilitators are all highly skilled educators and therapists who I personally know and respect. People often leave feeling inspired and hopeful; not what you might expect from a dating event!

Our culture trains us in such primitive ways about how to date and meet each other! So what we teach in Deeper Dating is how to identify the qualities that we value most in ourselves. We help participants practice being brave enough to lead with those qualities, and wise enough to choose people who appreciate these qualities and complement them. The people who attend Deeper Dating tend to be compassionate, smart, and committed to deeper values such as personal growth, service, and building community in their lives. Read the rest of this entry »