Queercents

As a kid, money was my favorite present; preferably cash since I could go out and use it immediately. I could never leave a store with any money left over, probably a lesson I picked up from the old Wheel of Fortune where the contestants had to spend their winnings in Service Merchandise show rooms. The happiness was much anticipated and quickly over.

When I was seventeen my dad gave me a checking account. In spite of the $100 opening deposit that gift didn’t go over so well. It was a smart idea to try and teach his son about managing money, however I saw through it immediately. It was like being given a neck tie, a symbol of the grey oppressive adulthood that lay before me.

That was not the last time I received money from my parents, but those times (especially in college) were rarely cause for celebration. There were a few other times after college (and student loans) I legitimately needed help, but that was nearly four years ago. And still every year like clockwork, the money comes on Christmas, birthday and sometimes even Easter. They’ve been politely offering to buy me a housewarming present from IKEA for the last year.

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There are laws that protect people from salespeople who work at funeral homes and cemeteries. Lawmakers recognized that during a time of grief, people are unusually susceptible to manipulations that result in overspending that can leave the deceased’s loved ones in debt.

When it comes to step-family or family members, however, there is no protection. In my case, it was my mother’s 2nd husband (let’s call him Rick for now…I’ll explain later) who manipulated my grief, tricked me into obligating myself, and then refused to pay the bill.

In short, I’m in debt close to $7,500. My mother had shown me her Will that clearly stated he would pay for funeral expenses. When we were discussing her funeral arrangements he approved every detail and then asked me to help him “set things up.” Read the rest of this entry »

“They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it’s some kind of federal program.” – George W. Bush

Recently, I heard from Lea Abdnor, the Executive Director at Women for a Social Security Choice in response to my post about how gays and lesbians are Denied Social Security Benefits. In case you forgot, families of gays and lesbians (upon the death of a spouse) are denied the same benefits of heterosexual Americans, even though we contribute equally to Social Security throughout our careers.

Abdnor writes, “You are SO right about Social Security penalizing gays and lesbians. I’m straight but I’ve complained about this for years! ‘Legal’ spouses who don’t work a day in their life, and pay zero in Social Security benefits are granted FREE an additional 50% on top of his/her spouse’s Social Security benefit. A relic from the old ages.” Read the rest of this entry »

“Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.” – Victor Hugo

Jeanine and I spent the weekend in the Berkshires celebrating a friend’s fortieth birthday. We’re getting to the age where any time I see people I haven’t seen in awhile, they ask about the health of my parents and in turn they talk about theirs. One told me the heartrending story of her father’s progression with Alzheimer’s and the burden it has placed on herself, her mother and siblings.

Awhile back, John asked the question: Would You Disrupt Your Life to Provide Care for Aging Parents? He writes, “It’s not just a matter preserving your lifestyle and bank account that makes planning for your parents’ future a delicate balancing act. Time, money and energy are limited resources. When these considerations come up against family histories, tensions, and striving for personal goals, the question of whether you would disrupt your life to provide care for aging parents isn’t as easy as some people would like think.” Read the rest of this entry »

Mindy Fetterman at USA Today reports, “Forty-one percent of baby boomers who have a living parent are helping take care of them, with personal help, financial assistance or both, according to a USA TODAY/ABC News/Gallup Poll.

“Of those boomers who aren’t providing care for parents now, 37% think they will someday. And about half of them say they’re concerned about their ability to do so.”

A few weeks ago my mom celebrated her 69th birthday. My dad is just a few months younger. Both my parents have diabetes, and their health is a frequent concern — sometimes, and most recently, a serious matter. Dad recently experienced a life-threatening blood sugar attack. Read the rest of this entry »

Write down three words along the left margin of a piece of paper. You will want to remember these words, as they are the collective key to unlocking a financial debacle that is imprisoning our nation. Simple, easy to remember, yet seemingly impossible for some to internalize:

• Risk
• Cost
• Solution

Risk
The risk to which I am referring affects 60% sixty percent of all Americans, according to the Social Security Administration. The risk is that you will not be able to complete two of these next six Activities of Daily Living (ADL). You should write these down, too. Read the rest of this entry »

“The Social Security program… represents our commitment as a society to the belief that workers should not live in dread that a disability, death, or old age could leave them or their families destitute.” – Jimmy Carter

On Monday, I wrote a post about how gay and lesbian families are denied the same social security benefits that heterosexual Americans receive upon the death of a spouse.

One transgender reader left this comment, “It can get even more confusing if you’re trans. I was married as a guy, and now that I’m a gal, what’s my status? She and I are still together. So I have an ‘F’ on my driver’s license and my passport, but Social Security has me as “M”. (I’m trying to maintain a kind of dual citizenship here.) We’re paying taxes as married, filing jointly.” Read the rest of this entry »

“Younger people can feel confident that Social Security will still be around when they need it to cushion their retirement.” – Ronald Reagan, 1982

Around this time of year, I receive my Social Security Statement and typically, I just scan the estimated benefit and toss it in the file with my tax records. This weekend I actually decided to read all four pages and check out the links on the Social Security Administration website… I hope your weekend was a tad more exciting. Jesus enjoyed his hoopla while I caught up on my blogging and social security benefits… which are greatly diminished in our household because we are gay and not legally married. Read the rest of this entry »