Queercents

As the Daily Mail reports, Jodie Foster and her partner of fifteen years, Cydney Bernard, recently ended their relationship. That made me wonder: will Cydney ask for alimony?

Sure, they weren’t married, but that didn’t stop Judy Nelson from suing Martina Navratilova for some type of alimony back in 1991 when their eight-year relationship ended, making both parties settle out of court.

I hope alimony is never something I have to think about in my own life, but with the advent of gay marriage here in California, people all around me are buzzing about future nuptials, and let’s face it: half of all marriages end in divorce. Perhaps alimony is something we need to consider, and maybe redefine for our own purposes. Read the rest of this entry »

Gas prices are hitting four bucks, airfares are sky-high, the economy is crashing to the ground, and the kids are bleating, “When are we going on vacation?” With a recession looming, many folks are scaling back their vacation plans this summer. But we all need a break (remember the sage wisdom of Madonna and the Go-Gos!), and vacations can be terrific bonding times for families. So here are some tips on how to save money on family vacations.

1) Hunt for deals on the internet… and the old-fashioned way.

Everyone probably knows about the major sites for discount hotels and plane tickets (Expedia, Hotels.com, cheaptickets.com are three reliable ones). Start there for big-ticket items, but once you know where you want to stay, also do a Google search for “discounts –hotel x” or even “discount code-hotel x.” I found a 15% discount for a hotel in NYC this way!

Once you’ve done all you can with the internet, get off the computer and on the phone. Call the hotel/airline/theater. There are two reasons for this: first, sometimes the hotel/airline/theater itself simply offers lower prices than those published anywhere on the internet. Second, once you have a human being on the other end of the line, you can see if they’re open to price reduction. Which brings me to #2: Read the rest of this entry »

I admit that I know very little about the costs of assisted living, nursing homes, and other elder care expenses. So far I’ve been fortunate to have parents that are independent. However, listening to the ongoing sagas they are experiencing with my grandmother is enough to make my head spin and my assets run into the nearest closet and lock the door. It begs the question - how the heck can anyone afford to pay for these long term care expenses?

I regularly hear them speak of monthly expenses for her care to the tune of $5,000, $6,000, $7,000 and up-up-up for various levels of assisted and nursing care. Of course this doesn’t include medical trips, medications, and the like. It most definitely doesn’t account for the untold amount of time they spend managing this mess and attempting to care for my grandmother in a loving way given that she has lost most of her faculties to alzheimers. While I am no help to them several hours away that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it and wonder how are people expected to manage the whole realm of elder care?

I often write about building wealth and creating a financial future you desire. When I think of these long term care scenarios I wonder if it is all for nothing. You can burn through hundreds of thousands of dollars in a short amount of time. How long would it take to wipe through every asset you had if you or your partner needed long term care? Read the rest of this entry »

Those are the words of my mayor, Gavin Newsom, who shared some vindicated words about yesterday’s California Supreme Court ruling that declared a ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. After all, he’s the guy that started a gay marriage frenzy here in San Francisco in 2004, and then saw those marriages ruled invalid months later.

It was a celebratory scene yesterday here in San Francisco. Homos everywhere were hands-up in joy, dancing in the street. See for yourself: click here.

Straight supporters were beaming with excitement too. One straight girl in my journalism class happily asked, “Do you think there’s a lot people getting engaged tonight? I wonder if there’s going to be a rush of June weddings.” [Maybe a mid-June rush: it will take at least 30 days for the ruling to go in effect. This SF Gate article has more info.]

Of course I was excited and grateful for the court’s decision, but at the same time I thought, OK, that’s just one more state that thinks I’m good enough to get married. You’re telling me I should be jumping up for joy because I’m being granted rights I already deserve? Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes I think if I am confused and concerned by what little legal protections are available to me and my partner, I can only imagine how stressful it must be for LGBT couples with kids. Every time I hear a news story about this or that legal disaster that befalls a gay or lesbian couple who has kids it makes my head spin.

I recently received a copy of the book “Wear Clean Underwear” by Alexis Martin Neely. It is described as a “A Fast, Fun, Friendly - and Essential - Guide to Legal Planning for Busy Parents” and endorsed by a number of people I respect. While it is not specifically geared toward the LGBT family, in many of the examples the author does not assume parents are (or can be) married. And, you have to love her preface of terminology:

If you are in an unmarried relationship, either by choice or because the law does not allow your marriage, please know that I respect your circumstances, and substitute the word “partner,” “ex-spouse,” “life partner,” “baby-daddy,” “baby-mama,” or whatever other term you use, where appropriate.

Wow - validation in a mainstream book. That always makes my heart sing!

One concept I liked right off the bat was her re-framing of the notion of estate planning. Read the rest of this entry »

Here are a few updates that might be useful to those of you who have been reading this column.

In a previous post, I expressed my angst about having purchased onesies from Steve and Barry that were made with child labor.

The good news is that you can go buy those Steve and Barry/Sarah Jessica Parker-inspired onesies that I told you about. According to this report, they do not rely on child labor. And they’ve lowered their prices! So snatch up some of those groovy green and purple stripey onesies I told you about with a clean conscience. And maybe pick up some of SJP’s latest designs for yourself, if you’re so inclined (her dresses are a bit too Desperate Housewivesy for me, but I did pick up some cute metallic ballerina flats and relived my high school bunhead days).

In another post, I talked about the potential hazards of BPA leaching from plastic baby bottles. Read the rest of this entry »

Several of my friends just became new parents. They’re overjoyed and overwhelmed… especially by the costs! Here are some ways that you can help a friend who has either adopted or given birth to adjust and cope.

I’m directing these tips to queers WITHOUT kids, as it can be confusing to figure out how to help your friends with kids (I found it so, at least), and how to maintain your friendship in this transitional time.

Some of these suggestions are inexpensive (or free); some involve biggish bucks, but all can be modified to fit your budget and taste.

1) Give a new baby a gift of diapers in the correct size, bottles and formula (if they’re not nursing), or another necessity as specified by the parent. No, they’re not as cute as onesies, but it’s the every day necessities—diapers, bottles, and formula—that really run up the bills. The big-ticket items such as strollers are easy to find used, but that’s obviously not possible for diapers! Find out what brand/size your new parent friend uses, and buy whatever amount you can afford. You’ll be shocked to see what $100 worth of diapers looks like! Then, put a bow on it or make some cute wrapping, and voila—a terrific gift that shows that you understand the not-so-glam needs of new parents. Read the rest of this entry »

“The rights of every person are diminished when the rights of one are threatened.” – John F. Kennedy

The trans community is receiving a lot of press these days. After all the sensationalism surrounding the pregnant trans man, it was refreshing to open up The New York Times yesterday and read about the financial and legal complexities of being married and transgender.

The profile highlighted Denise and Fran Brunner. They married back in 1980 when Denise was Donald and they stayed together after Donald had a sex-change operation in 2005 that made her Denise. They obtained an amended marriage certificate that listed their current and legal names but this poses many questions: Read the rest of this entry »

As a kid, money was my favorite present; preferably cash since I could go out and use it immediately. I could never leave a store with any money left over, probably a lesson I picked up from the old Wheel of Fortune where the contestants had to spend their winnings in Service Merchandise show rooms. The happiness was much anticipated and quickly over.

When I was seventeen my dad gave me a checking account. In spite of the $100 opening deposit that gift didn’t go over so well. It was a smart idea to try and teach his son about managing money, however I saw through it immediately. It was like being given a neck tie, a symbol of the grey oppressive adulthood that lay before me.

That was not the last time I received money from my parents, but those times (especially in college) were rarely cause for celebration. There were a few other times after college (and student loans) I legitimately needed help, but that was nearly four years ago. And still every year like clockwork, the money comes on Christmas, birthday and sometimes even Easter. They’ve been politely offering to buy me a housewarming present from IKEA for the last year.

Read the rest of this entry »

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. - Dr. Bob Moorehead

Jeanine and I both plan on working after we adopt our child. Why? We need both incomes to continue living the way we do. Or at a minimum, to stay in our house that happens to be in a really good school district. If it weren’t for the housing part, we could certainly get by on one income.

Much has been written about two-income families. She Works / He Works: How Two-Income Families Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off by Rosalind C. Barnett and Caryl Rivers first came into print over decade ago. Better off than whom? Or so, as the topic is explored by this reviewer: Read the rest of this entry »