Queercents

The Fourth of July weekend is the easiest weekend to be downright cheap on a date. As cities across the country plan festivities, most of them are also eating the cost.

Parades, revolution re-enactments, festivals, musical entertainment, and the fireworks lend themselves to the best thrifty dates. Even if there is an entrance fee-it’s probably minimal.  However, you will need to be cautious about the events you attend. The funnel cake, candy apples, beer gardens, and cute trinkets sold by those adorable vendors can blow your budget out of the water!

Don’t be afraid to BYOE; bring your own everything! Drinks, good eats for a picnic, chairs, and blankets set the stage for a wonderful day.  Consider bringing playing cards, bubbles, or board games to help pass the time if you arrive early at the fireworks staging area.  Read the rest of this entry »

It’s summer in New York and it’s that time of year when there are tons of moving vans, empty boxes and perfectly fine furniture taking up space on city streets. There’s always a lot of advice on how to find an apartment in the Big Apple, but little advice on how to leave that apartment. One of the biggest questions that comes up is about the security deposit: how do I get it back?

Well, the answer varies from state to state, but there are some simple steps everyone should take to make sure that money gets back out of the hands of greedy landlords. For a list of how long your landlord has to get you back your money, see this list. Be sure to note that in places like Los Angeles, landlords are required to pay you interest for the time they have held onto your deposit. New Yorkers, your first stop should be at the Web site of The Met Council. They’ve saved me -for free - countless times.

In the meantime, the first thing you should do is memorialize all conversations you have with your landlord about the return of your security deposit. That means sending him/her a letter, stating what you discussed and making sure he/she signs for the letter upon its delivery. The only way to do that is to send all correspondence via Certified mail. Read the rest of this entry »

Giving gifts is a great way to express gratitude, break the ice, or just make the other person feel good. People give flowers on almost every occasion: first dates, the day after, birthdays, engagements, anniversaries- I don’t know of any occasion where flowers aren’t appropriate. However, if the receiver has allergies or doesn’t have a green thumb the foliage may reach the garbage heap before it was intended.

According to AboutFlowers.com, the floral industry raked in over 20 billion dollars in retail sales in 2007. That’s a lot of money for an item that may die. For the person who does not appreciate them, what do you buy? For those who simply can not afford them, what is the alternative? What do you give to show your date that you appreciate the time being spent with you? In lieu of flowers, here are three unconventional gift ideas to give on dates:

Gift Cards: Usually, I would say gift cards are for the lazy people who don’t want to think before buying gifts. On the contrary, strategically purchased gift cards over a period of time, could lead to a great date night that is pre-paid all the way. Read the rest of this entry »

When thinking about the mountains, most people may think of skiing or camping. I have not done either and really have no intention of ever setting foot on the ski slope. But, I love exploring mountain towns. They are full of charm and relaxation. Plus, they have a wide array of budget friendly activities in which to participate. Driving down scenic highways and gem panning are unique dating activities just to name a few.

On the first trip I planned to the mountains, the word “budget” was not in my vocabulary.  I drank in all that Asheville, NC had to offer. Asheville is home to the Biltmore Mansion. The grounds are exquisite. The many hidden waterfalls, lakes, and views of the mountains on the property made me want to pack my stuff and move right in.

The Smoky Mountains has many waterfalls throughout the region.  I really wanted to explore the “waterfall pathway” but I was afraid of getting lost.  Lucky for you, your road trip doesn’t have to be treacherous. Check out the National Scenic Byways Program online.  They have maps and lots of information to get you started exploring in your neck of the woods. A tank of gas, cell phone for emergencies, and of course a car is all you need to have a good time. Let the roads be your guide. Read the rest of this entry »

Break ups are different for everyone. Sometimes you end up losing out on a lot of money, but sometimes you benefit financially. My live-in partner of over 1 1/2 years and I just recently broke up and in my situation, I will be one of those people who end up financially better. Hey, my heart may be broken, but at least I have good credit!

Living situations: A lot of couples usually move in together because it provides cheaper rent… and because they love each other too. Now that my partner and I have broken up, its probably a good idea to move out. In my case, we were paying for a two bedroom apartment to have studio space. Moving into a one bedroom will be cheaper for me and will allow me to shed my bagagge, so to speak. I’ve collected lots of things over the years, so selling a lot of the furniture, books and random items I’ve accumulated will generate some money to get fresh, new things with no memories attached to them. Another option for those who can’t afford their own place is to move back in with your parents. I moved back in with mine for a year when I was 22 and not only did I save a lot of money, but I formed a closer relationship with my family. A lot of people end up doing this at some point in their life, so don’t feel ashamed if you have to.

If you are the breadwinner: Usually the person bringing home the vegan bacon ends up financially supporting the other person. You no longer have to worry about covering your partner when they don’t have the cash. Best of all, you don’t have to double check the shopping cart when you go shopping to see if there are some items snuck in at the last minute. You can spend your money on yourself and only yourself! Now you only have to worry about paying your bills instead of doing the math to make sure you’re both paying your share. Read the rest of this entry »

A really good friend of mine will not date anyone that does not share her cell phone carrier. In my mind, that is a little extreme. Luckily, cell phone companies have jumped on the family and friends bandwagon whereby one can call certain numbers without affecting the cost of the monthly bill. But the requirement of a cell phone in a relationship is a little far fetched.

I have seen too many people use it as an electronic leash. Others use it for emergency purposes and still others use it for everything imaginable: talking, texting, photography, email, weather, directions, etc. On talk shows, I often see people talking about making dates, having intimate conversations, and even expressing undying love and affection through text messaging. This phenomenon has to be my biggest pet peeve. Love notes in 160 characters or less is the biggest joke around. It just isn’t enough space to type a well formulated thought. This little convenience is robbing relationships of much needed communication. Read the rest of this entry »

“Before you get involved in a relationship or anything, FICO first, then sex.” – Suze Orman on Oprah

In a Match.com survey, 84 percent of singles admitted they are more selective about who they date in hard economic times.

Whatever it is you’re looking for in a date - tall, dark and handsome, a good sense of humor, long walks on the beach – forget it. The latest criteria for a good match may just be good credit.

The number of people searching for the perfect date during this recession is going up, but with most Americans concerned about their own finances, more and more are focusing on their mate’s bottom-line.

One might conclude that the same qualities that contribute to a higher income (e.g. ambition, independence, creativity, and intelligence) are characteristics that make you more attractive to a potential date. Of course, financial beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but apparently the eye is on the prowl for dollar signs.

What do you think? Does income level serve a purpose with one’s online dating profile? And how does career and credit score play into a successful relationship?

Photo credit: Flikcr brothersoft on Flickr.

Generally speaking, I love food. Which means my nights out generally revolve around great culinary experiences. Even if it’s not the main focus, we still somehow end up at an eatery. I mean everyone gets thirsty or a little hungry right? But what if the food tradition were eliminated on dates? What would that date look like?

This endeavor would not be easy. We are inundated with food options everywhere we turn. Even on television dating shows, the average couple spends a good amount of time stuffing food in their mouths over lousy conversation. Can one even manage a date without buying a drink? Can you imagine trying to have a conversation with a dry mouth? Personally, I think it’s impossible.

But, just think about the amount of money you could save. I can remember easily spending $30 or more on food during a date (and that’s on the low end). If calculated over a year, even at one date a month- I could have added over $350 to my coffer. That does sound enticing. But, I am definitely not one to tell you to forego eating out whatsoever; so I will just make this suggestion: eat, drink, and be merry. Read the rest of this entry »

My partner and I recently tied the knot. We had a lovely commitment ceremony on the beach that lasted all of 20 minutes, then we celebrated with a bonfire while we watched the sun go down. It was a decidedly Pagan affair, and the universe couldn’t have provided a more beautiful day.

Most couples - gay or straight - spend an average of $17,000 on their weddings, and most of them go into debt to do it. We planned our commitment ceremony and reception for under $2000. Doing our wedding on such a tight budget was a challenge, but we both agreed that going into debt for a party was not in line with our core values. However, stepping outside the box of conspicuous consumption and all the trappings of a “white wedding” was met with mixed reviews by our family and friends. Here’s what I learned from the experience.

First of all, we consciously did not call our commitment ceremony a wedding. The term comes with a lot of cultural baggage. I’m all for people getting married if they want to, but I don’t believe in the idea of marriage. It has historically been an arrangement that hasn’t benefited women - for centuries we were viewed as chattel and the wedding itself was just a transfer of property from one man to another. I am not a piece of property. I am all for commitments, however. My partner and I made a commitment to one another in April, and we made some pretty serious promises to one another in front of 4 witnesses. To me, this is what it is all about - the words you say are more important than where you say it or what you wear. We have no piece of paper that documents our relationship or grants us any sort of recognition from the state. I’m a Wiccan and my partner is an atheist, so we also don’t have the sanction of any sort of church. But I don’t think that makes our commitment to each other any less valid. Read the rest of this entry »

This is Part 2 of a series on immigration. It looks at the real costs of the HIV ban, in place since 1987, and provides a brief look at the history and implications of this policy.

Readers of Queercents might remember that my last post here engendered some intense, ah, discussion and led to several charges of censorship. I’ve posted a piece about what happened on Bilerico, and you can find that here, in a piece entitled “”Yasmin Nair: Eat This!” Or, How to Leave Comments Without Going up In Flames.” Those interested in UAFA should know that I’ll also be resurrecting that piece on Bilerico in the next couple of days.

Since 1987, the United States has banned HIV-positive immigrants (non-citizens already in the country, who might be seeking permanent residency) and travelers from the country. The reasons for the ban are rooted in a potent combination of homophobia and xenophobia, and it places the United States in a list of only 14 countries, including China, Saudi Arabia, Moldova, and Russia that have a similar bar in place. The bar may be lifted for individuals but only in very narrow cases, and may require the support of an employer or family member, both of which can be difficult to get.

The 1952 Immigration and Nationality Act (INA) stated 31 grounds for exclusion, including a bar against the admission of aliens infected with “any dangerous contagious disease.” In 1987, the CDC added HIV to that list. The implementation of the bar was based on two rationales that have both proven baseless. One is the public health rationale, and the other is that allowing HIV-positive immigrants into the country increases the burden on public health resources. Read the rest of this entry »