Queercents

If you knew that the only way you could save your career was to deny and lie about who you are, would you? That is precisely the dilemma a soldier faces under the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. To a lesser extent that same challenge often presents itself to professionals who work for employers that are solidly anti-gay. If you were in that situation, what would you do?

I found myself exploring this dilemma in depth as part of my The L Word: A Coach’s Perspective series this week related to Episode 3. You see Tasha has been brought up on charges of homosexual conduct and she is knee deep in trying to figure out how to navigate this morass. How do you save a distinguished career to which you dedicated your life and remain true to your personal life? And, if you find yourself in love as Tasha does with Alice, how do you build a relationship on the foundation that it is nonexistent? In invite you to surf over and read the whole post and weigh in.

Of course this televised depiction of the military Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy is just one example of the honesty dilemma. Granted it is a blatant display of “gays and lesbians not welcome here” prejudice, but at least if you choose a military career you are aware of the rules. Read the rest of this entry »

As fas as I’m concerned, the personal finance blogosphere has been turned upside down, and the events may just influence the rest of online media. Strangely enough, no is really talking about it, perhaps because the spotlight is now on other bloggers.

One of the most-read personal finance bloggers, Trent at The Simple Dollar, made the following announcement last week:

“I hereby release all copyright on all written (non-comment) material on The Simple Dollar to the public domain.

What does that mean? If you want to reuse an article from The Simple Dollar in your newspaper, newsletter, or anything else, go right ahead. If you want to hand it out in your Consumer Ed class, print it out. If you want to edit it to suit your own needs, go right ahead. All written material on this site is now in the public domain.

Obviously, if you do use it, I’d appreciate some attribution (Trent Hamm) and a link back to The Simple Dollar (http://www.thesimpledollar.com/).”

Why is this a big deal? Read the rest of this entry »

“Goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement.” – Brian Tracy

Many of us have set 2008 financial goals these past few weeks. If you haven’t done this and need help, here’s a good place to start. One system of goal setting is to use the SMART method: by making sure the goal is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.

Once our goals are set, experts suggest getting a money buddy to share these goals with as a way to stay accountable and boost our odds of success. Erin Burt at Kiplinger’s writes:

Friends, family members or spouses make great money buddies because they want you to succeed. You might find it helpful to team up with someone who shares a similar goal — say, your best friend and you working together to conquer credit card addiction this year. The key is to find someone you’re comfortable talking with openly about your finances — the successes and the failures.

So how do we decide on the person or people to share these goals with? Believe it or not, many people aren’t comfortable baring their financial souls to those closest to them. Perhaps, this is why anonymous blogging has become so popular… especially for those trying to get out of debt. But what about other financial goals? Read the rest of this entry »

If I don’t exercise regularly, I pack on pounds. It’s a fact of life as certain as death and taxes. I’m just one of those people who easily goes up or down in weight depending on activity level.

Now because I changed my workout routine to include more weight lifting and less cardio, I’ve experienced some weight gain that won’t garner much sympathy for me, but the heart of the problem is universal: Most of my jeans don’t fit, and I’m against having to buy bigger jeans out of principle.

My question for this week’s WWYD is: Since you can’t wear sweatpants everywhere you go, what would you do until your jeans fit again? Read the rest of this entry »

There’s been a lot of talk here lately on the ethics of tithing. Last week, Aundi pointed out that one problem with tithing is that obligatory weekly or monthly giving must create a sense of resentment, when other methods of fundraising, such as a drive, could create a stronger sense of community.

While I don’t like the idea of prescribed giving, and find some of the manipulation Aundi discusses patently unethical, I think it’s worthwhile to consider the ethics of putting your resources to work in your community. Giving money is, of course, important, especially to the right organizations. In college, I had a paid internship at an organization funded almost completely by donations–when their giving was down, they had to let me go. As an intern, it wasn’t that big of a deal. But, also while I was in school, a local sexual assault advocacy organization lost funding for its only education and outreach position. That was just one woman’s job, but the loss was definitely felt in the community.

However, there are so many ways besides money to give back. In this week’s WWYD, I’m exploring some of the ways to give back to your community–please feel free to offer more suggestions in the comments! Read the rest of this entry »

A few weeks ago we discovered our extra TV had died. We had an old (think - pre-cable ready) TV in the spare room/my office that would get sporadic use. Mainly it would see the light of day if women’s hoops were on and I was working on the PC. The only other time it got used was when we had guests sleep over and for the most part that has amounted to a few times a year when my mother-in-law stays the night. We go to bed early and she watches the tube for hours. So, imagine our surprise when she came to stay the night for her 65th birthday party and we hit the power button only to have nothing happen. We were surprised to say the least, but truth be told I don’t think we had turned it on for at least 3 or 4 months. Who knows what happened to it. Maybe it just died, maybe it got zapped in an electrical storm (although I’d think my whole PC setup would’ve fried since it is in the same room and electrical circuit).

At first we weren’t going to replace it at all. Since we rarely used it and are tight on cash right now, we figured why bother. My mother, however, thought we should absolutely get a new one and offered to cough up the money for a basic, low cost set. So, off we trotted to Best Buy. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m not the biggest fan of gift-giving, as I’ve mentioned in the past. I prefer gift-making. One reader who wishes to remain anonymous sympathizes with my views, but goes along with the formality of buying gifts anyway to ease social pressures. In an email to me, she writes:

“I don’t know where I got this sentiment from, but I get the sense that gifts that are bought on sale are off-putting to a lot of people. What makes it weird is that if I were to buy an $80 full-priced gift versus a $95 on-sale gift, the former would be received more favorably by more people. What’s your take on this?”

My take is that some friendships / relationships should come with receipts attached to the other person. That way, anyone who does not appreciate a gift from you can be returned / exchanged for a new and better friend. Read the rest of this entry »

“Ethics is not definable, is not implementable, because it is not conscious; it involves not only our thinking, but also our feeling.” – Valdemar W. Setzer

Randy Cohen writes The Ethicist Column for The New York Times Magazine and recently a reader asked, “Is it ethical to order food for delivery during a thunderstorm? If I’m doing it to avoid going outside and getting wet or struck by lightning, isn’t it wrong to have somebody else (with little agency to refuse) do it in my place?”

His response: “As someone who seldom mines his own coal, I’m in no position to condemn those who consign difficult, dangerous or simply miserably uncomfortable jobs to others.” Click over to continue reading and learn how one can do so in an ethical manner.

The question brings up an interesting topic for this week’s What Would You Do post. Consider the number of undesirable tasks that we push on others by paying them to do it. Read the rest of this entry »

Given the choice, I’ll make a costume before buying one. Sure I may purchase elements but a ready-made costume? Never! I don’t dress up often and have to admit, my costumes haven’t won contests. But I sure enjoy the creativity that flows around Halloween!

This year, I’m sporting the “hectic tax preparer moving her office” look. Needless to say I’ll be sans costume tonight. But I’m still in the Halloween spirit. My carved pumpkin is inspired by the latest New Yorker cover, Cheney on a pumpkin. I’ve carved a portrait of Mr. Burns (from The Simpsons) and have it glowing out the window.

I’ve been thinking back on Halloweens past and have been laughing at previous costumes. I remember such doozies as the Flashdance costume. A few cuts to an oversized black t-shirt and some lavender fabric paint. Instant Jennifer Beals. While I wasn’t out when I wore that one, it should have been a clue! Read the rest of this entry »

“This is what I’ve planned all along,” – Jack Kevorkian

When I interviewed Susie Bright, the well-known author and sexpert for our Ten Money Questions series, she opened up about retirement and indicated that health care (even at her playful age) is a crippling expense.

She writes, “I don’t want to live long unless my health is remarkable. I’m planning a respectful death before I become disabled. It’s not a morbid thought for me, it’s liberating.”

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross once said, “Dying is nothing to fear. It can be the most wonderful experience of your life. It all depends on how you have lived.”

Yet I find a lot of people are uncomfortable with death. It never really bothered me. I don’t think about it or worry about it. It is what it is. My partner, Jeanine doesn’t like to talk about it. When I’ve tried, she laughs in a nervous way and says, “Okay, we can stop talking about this now.” I think it gives her the creeps. Read the rest of this entry »