The Beatles told us all about how money “Can’t Buy Me Love”, yet each year millions of Valentines Day for QueersAmericans go ape spending money on Valentine’s Day. Are we really expressing love, just throwing away cash, or attempting to buy something that is missing in our relationships?

According to Media Post, the Valentine’s Day spending is a whopper:

THE NATIONAL RETAIL FEDERATION SAID yesterday that it expects Americans to spend $16.9 billion on Valentine’s Day this year, with the average consumer shelling out $119.67–up from $100.89 last year. And 63.4% of consumers plan to celebrate the holiday, whether it’s with a pricey gift or a simple text message.

That is a lot of money spent on tokens to represent love. And a token is all these gifts we buy really are. Over at Bank Rate they talk about the “Cost of Valentine’s Day” on a per-item basis. For instance, they quote the average 1 dozen of red roses with a vase to go for $80. While I LOVE roses as much as the next person, that is a lot of money. Run that through some of the financial calculators John recently wrote about and it’ll have you weeping. Another gift they note is the gift of monthly chocolates and that goes for $30 a month plus shipping. It is rare a day goes by that I don’t have a piece of chocolate of somekind, but $30 a month? Even if I buy a few bars of super dark chocolate a week, I’d be hard pressed to spend over $30 every month.

Of course all these figures are from the regular straight couple angle. I’m sure these quotes from the Clarion Ledger aren’t thinking about their gay counterparts when they say:

“And it’s a fun time. There’s no religion, nothing political about it. How can you be against Valentine’s Day?

“You’re against love?”

Perhaps it is because our love is so invisible that no one is noticing. So how does Valentine’s Day shake down in our households? Do we partake in the same flower, chocolate, overpriced dinner, jewelry rituals? Or, do we make our own rituals? My guess is a combination of both. Gay retailers like Love & Pride have some specials for the occasion, but a Google search returns woefully few GLBT targeted Valentine’s Day ideas.

While I think Valentine’s Day can be fun, to me it is a mirror of a deeper issue which runs through so many relationships. We spend a lot of time on window dressing and miss out on the real deep stuff that makes or breaks relationships. Just as with money, toys and gifts can be fun, but if that is the foundation of what you’re building, you’re in trouble.

In my house we usually do something understated on Valentine’s Day… a quiet night in with dinner and wine or maybe a movie. As much as I like to eat out, I think Valentine’s Day is like New Year’s Eve, a general mediocre, over-hyped, overpriced experience. In the early days I was big on giving flowers or a gift. Now, we simply find ways to celebrate one another and our relationship all throughout the year and let the “Hallmark Holiday” be what it is. Of course this year we’ll be moving all our furniture so contractors can install carpet the next day. If that isn’t long-term relationship excitement, I don’t know what is (…grinning with sarcasm)!

How about you? What is your take on Valentine’s Day? How do you celebrate?