Queercents

“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” – Satchel Paige

Sleeping with Money is our series at Queercents about money lessons learned from past lovers and partners. These include a few escapades:

Rachel was my first encounter as a lesbian. The year was 1994 and America Online was the only reputable place on the web that had a section for gays and lesbians: those were the days of the chat room and that satisfying sound of hearing “You’ve Got Mail”… remember that? Looking back, it seems a bit sleazy and doesn’t mesh with my wholesome reputation, but I was young and eager to meet a woman that would change my standing as a latent homosexual.

Geography was our biggest challenge. Rachel lived in Cincinnati and I was located north of Hartford, CT so it wasn’t as if we could meet at the corner Starbucks. Our first meeting would require more than happenstance. After 3 months of emailing and phones calls, we finally made the decision to connect in person and meet in New York City.

Of course this required some planning and with it a negotiation about money and who was going to pay for what. There were many unknowns… such as would she like me, would there be chemistry, and would we actually have sex. Because of this, I didn’t want to stress about what the weekend would cost me. At the time, I was young, on a strict budget and a get-a-way to the big “expensive” city could wreck havoc on my bank account.

So we talked about it…we had a money conversation… I undoubtedly introduced the topic. I’ve never had a problem with talking about money and setting expectations, so I’m sure I’m the one that said, “How do you want to split the costs of the weekend?” That sounds so dreadfully dull but trust me, after three months of suggestive phone calls, I guarantee the conversation that night ended with our version of “what are you wearing?” after we put the business issues to bed.

Rachel appeared to be wealthy and I later learned that she was… she had a good job and prosperous life in Cincinnati, Ohio. But this physical distance required that she hop a plane and pay for a ticket to meet me. I just needed to board Friday’s 4:24 PM Metro-North train from New Haven to Grand Central (round trip this had to cost less than $28 back then). So I offered to splurge for the hotel room that weekend. This way, it there wasn’t a love connection she always had the option to pack up and get her own room at her expense. Perhaps, I thought this might give me leverage in the setup… in my opinion, I was little bit out of my league and wasn’t completely confident with how the weekend would turn out. But even then, I understood that the power shifted to the person paying and I was going to do everything in my power to finally get laid.

So I pushed for reserving one room under the guise of saving money. Isn’t that thrifty? In return, Rachel would pay for dinner and I probably suggested that I would kick in for lunch and coffee and the secret hope that we might just stay in all weekend and order room service.

The weekend was a fabulous success and if I was posting anonymously, then I would try my hand here at writing some lesbian erotica. But some of my family members occasionally lurk on these pages and that would just be a tad bit weird albeit a really hot story to share with the rest of the world.

That’s for another time and place… sorry to leave you hanging… but know this, on Sunday when I took the train back to Connecticut, I had less money in my pocket but had one rich experience that made me officially queer! We saw each other a few more times… but then the expense of our long distance set in… money and relationships… it’s all connected.