Big Love, Alimony and Same-Sex Marriage
“Congratulations gay people — you are about to discover the joys of alimony.” — Craig Ferguson, on legalizing gay marriage
Jeanine and I only watch television once a week and right now our show is “Big Love” on HBO. Big Love is about a polygamous suburban family living outside of Salt Lake City. Jeanine’s ex-girlfriend, Deb (from years ago and best friend forever), joins us on Monday nights. Mostly because Deb needs a place to do her laundry but we all got hooked on the show last season. Deb and I refer to each other as sister wife.
When Big Love first aired, many parallels were drawn between the gay marriage movement and polygamists. At first I was really offended but then the longer I watched the show, the “Henricksons” seemed increasingly like other families. Normal. Maybe that’s how straight people feel about gays when they first get to know us.
Mark V. Olsen and Will Scheffer are the creators of Big Love and they’re partners in real life. Olsen was interviewed in The New York Times and said, “The show was conceived as a prism through which to look at the ‘struggle for the common good over the individual good’ that exists in any family.”
In the National Review Online, Stanley Kurtz interviewed Scheffer and writes, “Family structure shouldn’t matter as long as people love each other. Scheffer adds that what attracted him to the Big Love project was the subversive nature of how we deal with family values… I think what’s really exciting about the show is the nonjudgmental look we have on our characters.”
I’m pro-gay marriage and long for the day when I can legally marry Jeanine. Deb has to fend for herself. Plus, she’s into men these days. Sorry sister wife.
I understand that with marriage, I get both the good and the bad — all the rights and liabilities afforded by the institution. Being registered as a domestic partner is not the same thing. Some queers think this is enough. But it’s not and here’s a money story from the news that explains why.
Last week the Los Angeles Times recounted the story of an Orange County man that is appealing an order for him to pay spousal support to his ex-wife, who is in a domestic partnership. Maura Dolan writes, “Ron Garber knew his former wife was living with another woman — and had taken her last name — when he agreed to pay her $1,250 a month in alimony.”
“What he didn’t know was that the two women had registered with the state as domestic partners under a law that was supposed to mirror marriage law, Garber said. State marriage laws say that alimony ends when the former spouse remarries, and Garber reasons he should be off the hook, given that domestic partnership is akin to marriage. But an Orange County judge has decided that registered partnership is cohabitation, not marriage, and that Garber must pay.”
I agree with the husband in this case: why should he have to pay alimony when she’s “remarried” to a woman? But, according to the laws of California, she’s not remarried and that’s a problem… at least for Garber.
Dolan continues, “Lawyers in favor of same-sex marriage are watching the Orange County alimony case and say they will cite it to the state high court as an argument for uniting gay and heterosexual couples under one system: marriage.”
“Therese Stewart, San Francisco’s chief deputy city attorney, said the alimony ruling and other gaps in the domestic partnership law ‘highlight the irrationality of having a separate, unequal scheme’ for same-sex partners.”
“A Court of Appeal last year upheld the state’s ban on same-sex marriage, citing the state’s domestic partners law and ruling that it was up to the Legislature to decide whether gays could wed. The state attorney general’s office has argued that same-sex marriage is not needed because gays already enjoy the rights of marriage under the domestic partners law.”
If domestic partnerships were equal to marriage then Garber wouldn’t have to pay. As it stands today, he’ll be forking over five years of alimony. Do you agree or disagree with the ruling? We welcome your comments below.
I agree completely that Garber should not have to pay alimony. If it were up to me I’d abolish civil marriage altogether – I’d only have civil unions and let the religious claim exclusive use of the term marriage.
Even that is what I consider the absolute limits of the possible. Removing any such notion as civil unions or marriage and letting everything be handled by private contract law strikes me as the ideal, but that isn’t practical, but if I were to press for that, I might as well ask for a pony as well. :>)
Interesting comparison with big love- would liked to have seen that threshed out a bit.
I also read about the Garber case and I also thought it was unfair to the guy. Technically she is in another relationship, but laws are laws and marriage isn’t the same without the word and the federal backing.
I tend to be highly suspicious of the idea of alimony in any case. I can understand that it would be difficult for a woman who married very young and never held a steady job to support herself following a divorce. But shouldn’t there be limits?
A man (or anyone – let’s just pretend that gay marriage is a reality, and imagine that a lesbian is being asked to pay alimony to her ex-wife for several years following a divorce) can’t be expected to provide financially for an ex in perpetuity.
Did I spell that right?
I feel for the guy, but I’m hoping this case was all just a scheme to point out the hypocrisy in separate but unequal rights for the LGBT community. The more the courts waste time and pass around the hot potato of same-sex marriage rights to the Legislature for decisions, the more we’ll have crazy scenarios like this alimony case. Wouldn’t it just be easier to let couples of any sex just love and marry each other in peace and focus on more important things in the world? Logic just keeps getting twisted the longer you try to deny equal rights to a group, and this case points out how that strategy backfired.
I agree with the judge. Without knowing the specific rights granted by the state for domestic partners, I would still bet it doesn’t amount to much. If the law says the ex would still owe alimony if she were cohabitating with someone of the opposite sex, then the difference lies in the specific benefits granted by legal marriage. Those benefits are by and large federal. With state-granted domestic partnership, she won’t get the same federal Social Security, inheritance, tax or other benefits granted to an opposite sex spouse.
I’m not saying it’s fair to the ex, but I do think it follows the intent of the law.
I guess it depends on exactly how its enacted in the legislation, but if the law is written such that domestic partnership = cohabitation, then that’s how its written and he has to pay alimony. I imagine it makes a big difference that domestic partnership isn’t recognised federally.
Hopefully there will be legal gay marriages sometime soon in the States.