WWYD: Never Buy Discount Gifts?
I’m not the biggest fan of gift-giving, as I’ve mentioned in the past. I prefer gift-making. One reader who wishes to remain anonymous sympathizes with my views, but goes along with the formality of buying gifts anyway to ease social pressures. In an email to me, she writes:
“I don’t know where I got this sentiment from, but I get the sense that gifts that are bought on sale are off-putting to a lot of people. What makes it weird is that if I were to buy an $80 full-priced gift versus a $95 on-sale gift, the former would be received more favorably by more people. What’s your take on this?”
My take is that some friendships / relationships should come with receipts attached to the other person. That way, anyone who does not appreciate a gift from you can be returned / exchanged for a new and better friend.
I’ve actually heard people complain about receiving a gift they suspected was on sale. It takes a lot for me to withhold a dirty look and accuse the complainer of being the most selfish person in the world.
Given our history of casual email correspondence, my exact response to Anonymous Reader is not fit for print. To put it in nicer language, I suggested that whoever complains about finding out their gift was on sale should get their head examined. Intrigued by her question, I asked Anonymous Reader for her take on discount gifts. She responded:
“My take on Gifts on Sale: A good gift is a good gift and nothing changes that. I think the main problem people have with discounted gifts is that it gives the impression that the gift-giver doesn’t think the receiver is “worth” full-price. Maybe it conveys the image of the gift giver heading straight to the sale rack and rummaging around, sneakily trying to get credit for a full-price item while paying less. Why that matters is beyond me, esp if you score a deal. All I know is that I’ve always avoided buying gifts on sale because I didn’t want to offend anyone (should they find out). Maybe I’m revealing more about myself than I’d care to admit to myself. But seriously, I feel like this unspoken sentiment was around since the age I was old enough to buy presents.
Anonymous Reader touches on an underlying insanity of gift giving, but we must be honest about it. There are some people in your life, at one time or another, in which you’ve gone straight to the sale rack or clearance bin to find them a gift. Perhaps for aunts, uncles, cousins that you don’t see often or don’t like very much? In-laws maybe? In fact, look at your own experience as an in-law. Don’t in-laws always manage to get the cheapest gifts eventually?
It’s not always the case, but sometimes buying a discount gift is a completely passive-aggressive move, and this tiny, faint voice in you hopes you get caught. Getting someone a cheap, meaningless gift is almost a polite way of begging, ‘œCan we please end this unproductive relationship? We both have better things to do.’
However, sometimes you just score a great deal on a completely thoughtful gift that happens to be on sale.
Readers, what would you do? Knowing the different ways a person can interpret a discount gift, would you never buy a gift on sale? Or would you buy a discount gift anyway, misinterpretations be damned? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this timely topic.
I believe that whether the gift was on sale or full price. I was lucky to give or recieve gifts. I am single mother of four children and have friends with families. I am lucky to find my mom a gift sometimes. So you are lucky to recieve a gift from me. I believe in trying to find something that fits the person. I would probably be one of those people that has the receipt on them because I just get someone something whether on sale or not. Oh yeah and I love the clearance rack. I appeciate anytime that a person thinks of me to give me a gift. You know why because that took time money they could of spent on other better things and thought to do that one thing and that is to give a gift. It have to take all of at least one or two of those thing to buy the present. I appeciate that.
John: Great question. In my opinion any gift should be graciously received and appreciated, but I have to admit that I think twice about the sale rack if there’s a chance the person might return it and discovery my thriftiness. That said, I’ve been known to wrap a present in a Neiman’s or Nordstrom’s box when it was purchased at Macy’s.
Love the post. To me I just think of the gift I’d like to get and the dollar range I can spend. I don’t worry about sales or even if I got it free (maybe a buy one get one). For the most part if your friends aren’t grateful to receive a gift and “expect” gifts as a rule, I say upgrade your friends. The people you spend time with truly do influence your potential for what you want in your life. If they are full of pettiness and negativity (which is what I’d consider someone who bitched about receiving a sale item), you’d be better off without them.
That being said… I skip the “gifts out of obligation” dance so when I do get a gift for someone it is because I want to and therefore pick it out accordingly.
I really do try to only buy or give gifts that make sense for the recipient. Gifts of obligation are the worst and destined for re-gifting. I want those I love and give to understanding that I know who they are and what is of value to them.
That being said- I give a combination of new and used toys/gifts to my kids. I don’t think we could afford a decent Christmas for them any other way. I totally lucked out the other day- a Freecycler gave us a Lego table I had “won”- then threw in a huge bucket of Legos. My son’s big present= free. I have also bought him Harry Potter figures off eBay over the course of a few months with set limits on how much I could spend. He will be getting a nearly complete set of early “play action” figures- minus Dumbledore. He was rare to start- now fuggedaboutit!
My eldest daughter’s big present is also free this year, thanks to an unfortunate shipping error made by American Girl that netted us a doll she wanted. This miracle will never happen again, but we celebrate it! I bought her a few new things- but mainly I sew clothes myself for her collection.
My younger daughter is at the tough age of 2 1/2. She is the tagalong kid- playing whatever any of the older kids let her. She also has all their toy hand me downs not weeded out over the years- which is a LOT still. The only thing we could think of for a big present was a ride on toy for use in the house (our outdoor Little Tykes stuff is really USED in the summer= not for indoors!). We found a good Krazy Kar (hand operated) that was nothing like any of the other stuff we’d had before. We searched for the best price and its on its way according to KBonline.
Our baby (5 months old son) will be getting size 6 months clothes and such wrapped up. He certainly doesn’t need any toys or falderal.
As for extended family, we only buy for our parents and each of our sister’s families. Everyone else gets updated pictures of the kidlets.
My partner is an awesome cook and some years we have made goodie baskets for close friends. We buy baskets for nothing at all the garage sales and Rescue Mission type places we frequent. We usually tuck in a small handcrafted item that fits the recipient.
And that’s it. I do hit the big sales on Black Friday (my posse and I are already getting itchy and looking at sale info on bfads.net)- usually to get the medium and small presents for kids and for things hubby & I need anyways (we don’t even think to buy sweaters, clothes, etc for at least 2 months before and after Black Friday from all the sales!). This year, I’ll be getting a vcr/dvd player as the dvd side is broken on the one we use now. And yes, we still use tons of VHS tapes we’ve gotten free for kidlet viewing.
My sister and my shopping posse all see sales as a way to get better gifts for our families on our budgets. A $10 limit goes a lot farther on the early bird Friday sales. No one in my circle of family and friends would think otherwise- we live that way for the most part. Of course, everyone else’s mileage may vary.
I don’t know how people would know you got something on sale or on clearance since you are supposed to remove the price tag(s). I never thought of this additional way to be paranoid. I just worry that they won’t like my present.
But I guess it’s like buying coffins. Even if the recipient never finds out what you spent, you can still feel bad about it.
In answer to your question, I just try to think of things people actually want. Then I do look for those things in cheap places first.
I also would like to point out that some people who receive gifts ungraciously are really awesome in other ways, and others of them are relatives.
I actually put on my wishlists that any books bought might as well be second-hand. Saves my friend money, may mean I get more books (if the books are really cheap and there’s room in their gift budget), and also I’m a big fan of buying and selling used books.
It seems ridiculous to me to pay good money for a good item when that same good item can be bought for less. Clothes, books, tvs, whatever.
The one kind of gift I really dislike is the kitschy stuff my grandmother gets me at yardsales. For example, a thick bracelet with sparkly, fake-looking paste jewelry. I don’t wear jewelry, if I do it’s always very thin, delicate stuff (for really special occasions), and I don’t wear jewelry. I have engagement and wedding rings which I love and that’s really it.
Yardsales can be good places to get gifts too, but I think she buys them because they’re cheap not because they’re anything I would actually use. Snowglobes?
I don’t mind not getting gifts from her, I often don’t and it’s perfectly ok. The hardest part is getting a whole bunch of cheap gifts which I then have to dispose of so that they don’t clutter my room.
The best gift she gave me was homemade chex mix. Probably really cheap for her and perfect for me, since I like it.
I’ve kind of given up on gifting in a way. I’m tired of feeling guilty, frustrated and fearful about what I get people. I’m sick of the marketing of these materialistic American holidays and the mistreatment of consumers by big business.
That being said my gifts for the past few years to friends and families are experiences – tickets to the theatre or a concert, a massage in the comfort of their home, trips to the spa or a unique learning seminar, a series of yoga/pilates/karate classes, etc. I love to spend time with a loved one (if I can attend) or to encourage a loved one to take time out for themselves. For me, it’s also a great way to support local, small and/or gay-owned businesses and organizations.
Gifting experiences can be affordable and the responses I’ve received have been truly positive. I don’t have to tell them how much I’ve spent and in some cases, I can purchase tickets and/or gift certificates where they only learn the worth of it and not the actual cash value. In most cases, they are caught up in the quality of the experience they’ve allowed for themselves.
Part of the Carnival of Personal Finance #127:
http://www.moolanomy.com/304/carnival-of-personal-finance-127-wonders-of-the-world/