Who did You Tell Them You Are? Names, Social Security Numbers and Paychecks.
You just got a new job. Great work Jane. There’s just one problem. Your legal name is still Jim. What happens when they ask you for your social security number? Then they’ll know the truth: that you’re a transitioning transsexual. And that opens up a whole new can of worms.
What to do? Unfortunately, our social security number is a de facto universal ID number. Everybody asks for it and once you give it to them they can find out pretty much everything there is to know about you.
I’ve had many a background check done on me over the course of my career. And with little more than an address, birth date and social security number they can find: education, employment history, credit history, even the speeding ticket I once got on the Pennsylvania Turnpike complete with date, time of day, how fast I was going, the mile marker where it happened, the fact that I didn’t contest it and the date I paid the fine.
It’s one of the realities of being us. No matter who we’ve always known we are the rest of the world has always known us as somebody else. All the rest of the world cares about is who we are legally. If you present yourself as anything other as your legal self in a job, applying for a bank account, credit card or loan, they’re going to find you out. (And you probably broke a couple of laws along the way.)
Yeah, it’s a bummer. Being a transsexual can be difficult, challenging and unfair beyond words. Some times it can feel like the whole world is out to get us.
Don’t feel that way.
You can get through it. You can win.
Accept that, before you legally change your name (and gender) you are to the world the person you were born. (In my case, that was a biological male named Craig.)
Deal with it. (I know that’s saying a lot, but you can do it!)
Actually, I never had to deal with this particular part of being us. My transition on the job took a very different track. (And that major league debacle is worth a post all its own. Stay tuned for more on that.) But I can tell you how a friend of mine successfully handled it.
About two years ago my good friend, a female to male, landed a new job as an accounting supervisor for a firm that manages the parking garages at a string of upscale hotels. He applied and interviewed for the job as his true self (we’ll call him Ben). He hadn’t yet changed his name. Legally, he was still Jane.
On the first day of work he went to the Human Resources Director and asked for a private meeting. In the meeting he took a deep breath and told him the truth.
I know it’s taking a big chance. I know, our first instinct and greatest fear is that we will be treated badly (horribly, unfairly) and it will hurt beyond words. And do not do this without a lot of thought and research on the company. In this case, however, it worked.
The Human Resources Director handled the situation very well and responsibly. He arranged for Ben to have a photo ID in the name of Ben Jacobs. He restricted access to Ben’s personnel file. And (this is the one that really impressed me) he arranged for Ben’s paycheck to be hand delivered to him in a windowless envelope. (Of course, his paycheck was in his legal name of Jane.)
Eventually, Ben told his co-workers that he was transgendered and, with a little work on their part, they accepted him as his true self.
I have to admit, after my own abysmal experience coming out on the job, I was, and am, really impressed by Ben’s experience. I think sometimes we get so beaten down that we come to always expect the worst from our fellow human beings. It can actually shock us when someone treats us fairly and compassionately.
An experience such as this more than makes up for all the rest.
My point is this: you can’t lie about legal identity. It will get you into enormous amounts of trouble financially (and possibly legally).
That said I also understand how careful we have to be, especially in the realm of work. (The work dimension is, I think, one of the most difficult parts of the transition.)
Ben had one experience. I had another. I would very much like to hear from all of you about your experiences transitioning in the work place. I think this would be very educational and helpful for all of us.
Let’s share our experience with one another. What worked? What didn’t?
Photo credit: stock.xchng.
That sounds like an excellent solution on the part of the HR rep…especially with the paycheck. It seems like progress is so slow at times, but can you imagine this happening 20 years ago?
Good for You and for Ben!!
However as I recall you have the right to use any Name or Identity you wish AS LONG AS YOU DON’T USE IT FOR FRAUDULENT PURPOSES or with “INTENT TO DECEIVE”.
Though I still think this is treated as a HUGE Gray Area.
~ Roland
I am a volunteer with our Tulsa area lgbt community center. Yesterday we hosted out first diversity job fair. We had 10 local companies with booths (more have signed on for next year) and a good number of job seekers attending. It was amazing to see folks talking to HR folks about skills and jobs and not having to worry about acceptance.
Yes, we are making progress and no I couldn’t have imagined it happening 20 years ago. I just wish we could find a way to speed things up!
Hi Ashley, thanks for another great post. I am in the process of legally changing my name. Luckily for me I’m not changing my gender at the same time. As it happens, I’m also on the job market right now. I’ve been putting my chosen name on all of my paperwork, but I haven’t been getting many calls for interviews. Part of that could be the tight job market. But part of my wonders if it’s because of the name change. After reading your article, I’m wondering if I should change my resume back to the old name until all my legal documents are changed.
Here’s the question Roland: how are those terms defined as they relate to the transgendered and the workplace? As far as I know there is no legal precedent on this. There is a segment of society that believes and argues that because I was born with a biological male body, I am male. Period. They also argue that everything I have done during my transition (Hormone replacement therapy, Gender Reassignment Surgery, name change) very much do amount to fraud. These are the same sort of people who, literally at the last minute, successfully removed the gender specific language from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act by theatening to table and bury it in committee.
That’s great Susan! I was on the Planning Committee for this year’s Philadelphia Trans Health Conference. We wanted to do job fair as well, but we had to cancel it. We couldn’t find enough employers willing to attend. (And Philadelphia has a rather large and visible GLBTQ community.)
I’ve know people who have had the same problem with names and job searches. It’s a tricky one. You might try your legal name and see what happens. It does add a whole new challenge to the job interview when you have to explain something like this.
Fortunately, I had an easier transition on the job than most. As background, I work for a liberal-policied entertainment / broadcasting outfit in NYC. I’d been there for about (20) years before I started transitioning, first andro then more female-identified. People I’m sure talked about “that interesting-looking person” downstairs, but I found it more cute than threatening.
I didn’t compose an epic letter and company Email it to everyone in the company…I just went about my transition over the period of a year or so. At one point, I had my name legally changed, and sent a letter to HR advising them of this. To their credit, the change went out to all involved departments, to payroll and to our company-issued health insurance. Very painless for me, but very efficient on the part of the company.
I answered any individual questions anyone may have had as they came up. My spies have told me that there’s a lot of curiousity about me around the building, but not a lot of people actually ask directly; I’ve thought about wearing a large button that says “Ask Me” just to encourage the curious.
I think the (legal) name change was the one action that said to all that I was serious about what I was doing: no game about this. I always say that we are fortunate to be living in these times. While I’m not trying to be an avatar of change, we have to realise that our presentations as stable people instead of clowns or freaks will set “policy” for those transitioners that will follow us in later years.
I transitioned almost 15 years ago. My name is legally changed, but my legal gender isn’t (stuck in a legal catch 22, long story, poor me, blah blah), so I have to disclose that although I present as male, for health insurance purposes and legal paperwork and such, I am legally female.
It used to really bother me to have to say that, but the fact is it is the truth and I can get in a world of hurt (like being denied health insurance) if I don’t.
I’ve always made a policy of disclosure at the time of job offer. I explain carefully and respectfully that I didn’t mention it during the interview process because I don’t feel my transition has anything to do with my skill set (I’m in IT). I give them a chance to recant the job offer before paperwork is signed. So far, that’s never happened, and I’ve worked for some fairly conservative bosses.
I’ve changed jobs 4 times since transition with no issues so far (fingers crossed)
Under the common law, everyone has the right to use any name they wish as long you are not doing so in order to defraud someone else. Although I agree that one’s legal name should be disclosed at least by the time you start work, it is not fraudulent to use an assumed name on a resume’ or job application prior to a “legal” name change if that is, in fact, the name you use to identify yourself. In fact, under the common law, you can legally change your name simply by adopting and using a new name. (That’s how people who have been known by a nickname most of their lives end up with credit cards and other documents showing that name, rather than their “legal” name.) The only reason a court order changing one’s name is useful is that many government agencies, banks, etc. these days won’t recognize a common law name change.
Similar questions arise regarding whether it is fraudulent for me to check the “female” box on a job application, even though some would consider me still biologically male. My position is that, since I do truthfully believe that I am female, and since I present full time as female, I am not being deceptive by indicating that on a job application, especially since my sex is legally irrelevant under state and federal employment nondiscrimination statutes. However, when applying for health insurance or other benefits where my sex *is* relevant, e.g., to the cost of the insurance and the benefits that will be provided, I will disclose that I am, in fact, pre-op.
Similarly, if a person gets hired for a new job before legally changing her name, when filling out the W4 and similar documents at the time of hire, she should list her current “legal” name with something like “aka Jane Doe” added. Doing otherwise at that stage could be considered forgery or fraud. In other words, that’s the time to “come clean” about one’s name and, if appropriate, sex or gender.
BTW, besides being a trans woman, I’ve been an attorney for the last 25 years.
Thanks, Ashey, for starting this discussion.
I came out on the job about 4 years ago. I had been with the company 2 years as “Jane” and had reached the point in my transition where everyone outside of the office called me Will (including my best friend who was my assistant in the office). I hadn’t been able to start hormones yet because the doctor I had found I wanted to see was 4 hours away but I couldn’t stand not being Will.
I spoke to my direct supervisor on the way back from an event (I was a meeting planner at the time). She and I had always had a great relationship and she was really happy for me. She told me she would speak to her director and then go to the executive director.
A few days later she came to me and told me I had support for transitioning on the job “all the way to the top” (meaning the exec director was behind me) and that I just needed to talk to him when I was ready. That was a hard conversation but not because of him. He was great and we picked a date to have a staff meeting and make the announcement (he gave me the option of talking to everyone individually but I couldn’t repeat myself 15 times!). I said my piece and tried not to look at the faces around me as I did so. Then I excused myself while the executive director made it apparent in no uncertain terms that discrimination against me for my decision to move forward with transition would be, basically, grounds for dismissal. It took some of the folks a while to “get it” but everyone was respectful which is all I ever wanted from them.
I left them a year ago and spent the past year working for different offices in the greater Orlando area. Thankfully I was temping and only had to deal with my agency. The interview process I went through while trying to find permanent work was a nightmare in many cases and some were cool, but I never got a job no matter how many times I interviewed.
I’m now back in my previous field of work and I work in an office of 26 people. Only the upper management knows about my “Jane” status. While there has been the odd comment, it’s okay. Name change later this year and then surgery should make everything more ‘normal’ but it’s not a bad situation at the moment. However, the strangest thing is, I live in more fear here than I did at my previous position because everyone there knew. Only a handful of folks here know and that messes with my head a bit.