Femme Economics: Butch-Femme Spending Report
It seems Femme Economics is here these days to serve a new purpose: keep things light, fun and personal while national economics take keep on diving.
When I started to write for my upcoming E-book, Beauty for Feminists, I was so concerned with all of the products and fashion sold to feminine women that I started to pay very close attention to my own beauty spending and that of other women round me. So, do you think the girly-girls are the part of the butch-femme couple that spends too much on looking good? A fairly androgynous friend told me yesterday, in jest, that femmes are the reason for the credit crisis. I was not amused. My butch lady lover calls me ‘œHM’ for High Maintenance, but I have come to realize that she’s either kidding herself or just talking about my emotional life.
CLOTHING, ETC
My butch works very hard long hours in an office building downtown. She winds up spending more on clothing than I do because she doesn’t have the time to go thrift and consignment shopping, nor does she have the inclination. Her job requires a business look and certain status labels are sadly seen as professional at the office. If you add in her leisure need for camping/inclement weather clothes/fancy biking socks and excellent hiking boots- it’s no contest. I spend at least $70 less per month on used clothing though we are equal in how many new items we bring home; I’m not as outdoorsy; yoga/dance wear is easy to find second hand. And even with my lingerie addiction and one new pair of shoes a season (spit into $40/month), I can’t match her $70 per month clothing spending!
HAIR
And then, there is always butch hair. Let’s just say that the local company which sponsors my partner’s lesbian soccer team is called VAIN Hair Salon. This is where I am definitely not high femme in that I can’t match her spending on hair products or services. Femmes who have long hair like me are likely to wash it less, put fewer products in it and wait longer between hair appointments. I don’t put anything special in my hair (she has three usual products) and I won’t spend top dollar on a hair-cut when I know that I can get a great one for less and I would never go blond because her foils are too expensive and too high maintenance even for my blood. I’ve been told that shorter hair is just harder to keep looking nice, but having had short femme hair before, I find this an excuse. My butch spends more on hair ($50 or more/month), looks at it in the mirror more before we go out and this is why I sometimes call her Stud.
COSMETICS
But Butches and Femmes aren’t so easy to equalize when it comes to cosmetics. I spend up to $70/month on cosmetics, shower goodies and make-up which, if you’ve been counting, puts me at a total of just ten dollars per month less than my partner in primping costs. As you might have read, I buy natural products which are spendy, but not as much as some of the department store brands many femmes use and I am quite sure they could eat up that extra ten equalizing dollars in some trendy purchase like lip plumping gel.
So, at least for my household, I am barely, but technically, the lower-maintenance gender-performer when it comes to the economics of looking good. When it comes to butch-femme, looks can be deceiving. I don’t actually know any low-maintenence butches.
I’d love to hear form the more butch-femme boy/boy couples! Also, are queer women who are passable as straight women more likely to make more money in the corporate world, or are more butch women taken more seriously? What do you think?
Photo credit: stock.xchng.
Moorea: Regarding the corporate questions… the Lipstick & Dipstick columnists from Curve magazine touched on this topic of queer women who are passable as straight at work in their Ten Money Questions interview:
Also, like your post, Dipstick agrees there are few, if any, economic advantages with being butch. Thanks for writing this post… fun money topic in the midst of the banking gloom.
I am the big fat femme of the family. I too have long hair- and would rather hack at my bangs myself than take the time, effort, and money to get them trimmed at the hairdresser. I go maybe twice a year when I really screw up and notice too many at odd lengths. The way I wear my bangs off to the side, its not all that noticable anyhow.
I am not a makeup fanatic, but I do wear it everyday. I am more likely to buy my makeup at the Dollar Store or the cheapest line available at the pharmacy. I buy mascara frequently- knowing that its not the cheapness of the product that causes eye infections, its how long the individual uses it (putting that wand back in after touching your lashes= bacteria into the product). My biggest problem with my makeup these days is keeping my kids out of it; the only way I’ve found is to let them have at it when I’m getting my own face on for the day. My three year old daughter especially likes to use blusher. My 6 year old son likes eyeshadow- I do not discriminate and let him use it with my supervison. And let’s not forget my tween girl (she’s 9)! You can imagine I do go thru plenty of makeup at my house!
As for clothes, I don’t buy all that much. I’m not a shoes girl either. I would say that all told, I might spend $400 on clothes and shoes all year long- but I do get gifted some good clothes from my mother in law, who gets my style and usually buys me the outfits that get me the most compliments.
My butchie counterpart, on the other hand, spends about $20/month on haircuts and $200-300 on clothes.
As I’ve said before, we make a wonderfully frugal life together. I earn the money outside the home, but she definately makes it stretch beyond the limits of reality! The 6 of us in my family get by well on my income alone (there’s a one year old boy I didn’t mention in my paragraph about makeup), but only because she is so coordinated in her effort to stretch our money.
OMG, I loved this post! Anything to get me talking about makeup and fashion is OK by me.
I have stopped shopping at thrift stores because I just can’t handle the mental stress. I’m OCD, and it’s too cluttered in the thrift store for me! Same with Ross and Marshall’s. I want a well organized store, with the clothing nicely arranged according to size. I don’t want to hunt. As a result, I shop far less than I used to, and I limit myself to $200 every year. It means I buy less, but I also pick more versatile pieces that will last a long time.
As for makeup, I will spend a lot on foundation because it goes right next to my skin. I get the $20 foundation from MAC because it has moisturizer and SPF. I buy new foundation every 6 months. As for lip gloss and eye make-up, I’m willing to be thrifty because it means I can splurge more often. But because my friends and family know I love make-up, I usually get it as birthday presents or stocking stuffers. So I really don’t have to buy it that often.
I’ll admit, though, that I spend a lot on my hair. I am willing to shell out $50 every 6 weeks for a cut because I love my stylist and I believe in hair styling monogamy. Jay is wonderful! And twice a year I’ll pay $120 for the cut/color combo. But Jay is great about giving me color jobs that will last a long time because he knows I’m on a budget. And I just couldn’t fathom going to a Super Cuts and dealing with a different person each time. If I had a hooker, I’d be a very loyal john.
Anyhoo, I LOVE that you’re mixing the two topics of finances and fashion! Keep it coming!
I’m definitely with you on the haircuts! My partner goes to the hairdresser every 6-8 weeks to keep her short hair looking nice and perky. I’ve got long hair, and have been cutting it myself for the last couple decades.
Neither of us wears makeup, and we wear similar styles of clothing, so we’re pretty even in all other regards.
My boyfriend and I both work in IT. He’s a developer currently starting his own company, I’m a Software Engineer working as a contractor for large organizations (Energy, mining).
He is possibly more straight-acting then I am, although most heterosexuals seem genuinely surprised when I come out (Followed by “I always wondered” a few days/weeks later, which I put down as being defensive that I wasn’t more obvious). He likes movies, TV, and surfing the net. I like gaming, Camping, Rover Scouts (18-26 year old Scouts), acting and cooking.
He has a luxury BMW. I have an Excel.
He buys only brand name (Hugo Boss) clothing. I either buy from Threadless or wait until Christmas when mum buys me things.
He buys lots of cologne, expensive hair product, meals out and brand name razors. I buy 20-packs of Bic razors, try to use up all of the last of a cologne before replacing it, less expensive hair product that I try to stretch out, and cook for myself as often as possible.
He gets hair cuts and colours all the time, I go for weeks until I look like of the Beatles.
So we’re both a little ambiguous, but he’s probably butcher… And again, more expensive.
I’m glad to see my own experiences echoed in these comments…but here’s another question: do you think your butches spending more on primping is related to them bringing in more bacon, therefore giving them more expendable income? Or are there other things they aren’t spending on that you are?
Since mine doesn’t bring home the bacon, its a different story. But now that you mention it, she does spend a lot more on books than I ever would. When I question why not use the library- she prefers the experience of buying the book.
I spend on sewing and quilting things- but a lot of what I make ends up given away for gifts or sold at craft fair.
Hi Moorea, Just discovered Femme Economics and love what you’re doing. I love the discussion of high-maintenance butches/transmen.
Have you published any portions of your e-book yet? I plan an upcoming post on my own blog on beauty, femininity and feminism.
Also, I was happy to see that you were cross-posted on The Femme’s Guide by miss avarice. There were some excellent posts on that site recently about being a frugal femme. I also have a few tips on my own blog, including a few eco-friendly ones you might like:
http://sublimefemme.wordpress.com/2008/09/22/frugal-femmefrugal-femme/
Stop by and see me sometime!
Hmm… here’s my personal experience on the topic of bacon and butch/femme economic differences:
I am on the butch side of things, but really more boyish than butch. No makeup, no skirts or dresses, NOTHING frilly, and the like. I have very short hair that I need cut by a professional – I couldn’t possibly do it well. I make a meager salary at a federal job.
My girlfriend is on the femme side of things, but not in a high-fashion kind of way – she doesn’t wear makeup, either, nor does she tend to wear skirts. She has very, very long hair and gets it cut no more than once/year. She makes twice as much as I do working for a private company, because she’s good at what she does. She rose through the ranks to get to her professional position.
That’s the setup. As for purchasing, I buy my work clothes new and my non-work clothes at thrift stores. My girlfriend buys everything new – she can’t stand thrift stores, and they don’t tend to have things in her size anyway. But neither of us buys expensive brand name clothing.
All this to say, we probably end up spending about the same amount per year on clothing and hair, when you factor the difference of my haircuts and her all-new clothes. And yet she makes twice what I make…
And she tells me I spend too long in front of the mirror in the mornings.
I have to say our expenses are related to our work, not gender identity. I see the barber every 2-3 weeks for $16, she gets a quarterly cut for $70… about equal. I shop thrift first and then supplement the fundamentals with new stuff, she mostly doesn’t but that’s because she’s harder to fit and has less time (not working from home). However, men’s clothes are usually better made and cheaper, and also sized correctly in the leg. I fit an average guy sizing though, so again, it depends how well you fit what’s on the rack more than anything. As with all clothes, if you want to fetishize or accessorize, the sky is the limit. My calvin briefs are $30 a pair but I loooooove them.
Nice article! I loved that you talked about thrift store shopping (my personal fave!)