The money-saving solution to divorce? Have an affair.
Have an affair. That’s the advice of Noel Biderman, the 37-year-old founder and chief executive of Ashley Madison, a dating site geared towards discreet relationships… ahem, married people.
I learned about Noel and ‘œAshley’ this weekend by reading Meghan Daum’s column in the Los Angeles Times. I found the overall topic to be fascinating but thought it was especially telling how finances play into the demand for the Ashley Madison service. Daum writes:
When I talked to him after the broadcast, Biderman, whose mild-mannered comportment belies the seediness of his enterprise, explained that in hard economic times, a lot of people who’ve been planning a divorce suddenly cannot afford one. The money-saving solution? Seek carnal comfort in others. He also made an analogy between his extramarital dating service and handing out condoms to teens.
‘œSome people say it promotes promiscuity,’ he said. ‘œBut if you don’t do it, you get behavior that’s way more harmful to society. Infidelity has been around a lot longer than Ashley Madison.’
It’s no wonder then that MarketWatch just reported this week about how there are fewer divorces in a bad economy:
The recession and economic turmoil is creating a new class of casualties: married couples who can’t afford to get divorced. In these tough times, many people are finding it’s cheaper to stay together, even when they can’t stand each other’¦
Circuit courts across the country report downturns in the number of divorce and separation filings. Cook County’s Circuit Court in Chicago saw a 5% decrease in filings — about 600 cases — in the first three quarters of 2008 compared with the same period in 2007. Similar drops have been reported in other cities across the country.
Does this mean more people will spend money on marriage counseling? Or as Daum wonders, will it just force divorce lawyers to lower their fees?
Regardless, this news makes me feel a bit vindicated since my partnership hasn’t received any economic benefit from the federal government in the last six years. It’s kind of poetic justice that a few heteros have to be stuck in bad marriages’¦ even if it means that Ashley Madison gets a boost from the current financial meltdown.
Photo credit: stock.xchng.
Yeah, good point. If gays can’t get married, they also can’t get divorced. Just be sure you make some sort of arrangement while ya’ll still love each other about how you’re going to split up, because you can’t count on any legal protections when your ex makes off with all your stuff.
I actually know 2 couples (one hetero, one lesbian couple) who have gotten divorced but they’re still living together because they can’t sell their houses in the current market. Now THAT blows.
My coworker and his wife split up and established separate households at the same time my partner and I were combining households. I ended up giving the less-good-but-still-usable of many of our duplicate items to him. As I handed off a 15-year-old vacuum cleaner and pots that I’d bought at Salvation Army 18 years ago, it was an incredibly stark illustration of how divorce vs marriage/partnership can affect household finances.
I have to agree with Noel Biderman on his resolve for some couples to contemplate an extramarital affair. Few people have the desire to live in a “one room shack” rather than be with someone they have no further interest in. Others feel that it’s a matter of compromise. From an economic point of view, can a couple afford living apart during this recession? From an emotional standpoint, can a couple deal with being in the same household but live as “roommates” such as they may have before they got together? It’s not a gay/straight question of who is married and who isn’t – it’s a question of what are you willing to sacrifice to be happy.
Serena: I also know a lesbian couple stuck in their home because it’s worth less than they owe and they can’t afford to take the loss in order to sell it. One of them is already dating someone else… you can imagine the drama!
S: I know a straight couple that decided to patch it up (the man had an affair last year). The women even admitted there was an economic advantage to forgiving him. Their bank account seems to be doing okay, although I haven’t checked in with her recently about the relationship.
Dwayne: Excellent point. And breaking up these days seem to be a financial sacrifice for most people!