Wedding on a Budget: Setting a Budget for Your Big Day
So you’ve got wedding bells in your future. Let me be the first to congratulate you and offer you and your partner best wishes for a happy future together. Since you’re reading this article, I assume you’ve gotten past the initial excitement over the nebulous idea of your wedding and are starting to plan the actual event. If you’re like me, you might feel a bit overwhelmed at all of the things you need to do between now and your big day. But that’s normal. Be prepared to have a freak out, then take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’ve got a checklist. It’s going to be okay.
There’s a lot of advice out there for straight couples who are planning their weddings, but hardly any of the advice available is aimed at gay and lesbian couples. Budgeting advice is all the more important for same sex couples since many of us cannot count on our families to help pick up the tab. That’s why we’ve launched this series – to help you and your partner plan the wedding of your dreams on a shoestring budget.
The first step in planning your wedding is setting a budget for yourself. The wedding industry is a $32 billion a year enterprise and on average, American couples spend $20,000 on their wedding. But in this economy (or any economy for that matter), that’s a lot of cheddar. My biggest problem with weddings is that $20,000 is money that could be spent paying down student loan debt, buying a car, or contributing towards a down payment on a house. The first years of living together are tough enough as it is without adding the burden of a huge debt to the equation. Stephanie Pedersen, author of The Keep It Simple Guide to Planning a Wedding agrees. She says, ‘œwatching your money before you’re married is a lot more romantic that starting your marriage in debt, or putting your family into financial difficulties.’
In our Wedding on a Budget series, I’m going to challenge you and your partner to set a $2000 budget for your wedding, and I’ll be providing weekly tips to help you achieve that goal. Sure, $2000 is still a lot of money. If you want to set a lower number for yourself, that’s even better. I’m sure our readers would love to hear how you did it. But $2000 is the budget that my partner and I set for our wedding, and I feel pretty good that it’s 10% of the national average.
There are a lot of free tools available on the Internet to help you set up a wedding budget. You can download a free wedding planner at Wedding on a Budget and sign up for their free weekly e-mail advice. The wedding planner at Wedding Wire is also free. If you feel like their categories and formulas don’t make sense for you and your partner, why not use a simple expense tracking method with a basic Excel spreadsheet?
Once you and your partner settle on an amount that you’re comfortable with, the trick will be staying on target. Tess Ayers and Paul Brown, authors of The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings, suggest setting your priorities and using them as a decision calculus for everything you want to buy for your wedding. ‘œOnce you determine what it is you want to achieve . . . practical solutions will flow fairly easily.’ My partner and I decided that good food and a relaxed atmosphere were our priorities. We wanted people to have a good time at our party. Everything that wasn’t related to good food was not a priority for us.
I talked to several lesbian couples about their wedding planning experience and they all agreed. Greta Christina and her partner Ingrid said that the key is to make your wedding personal.
“We made decisions about what our priorities were, and we based our financial decisions on those priorities. And we almost always decided that “personal” was more important than “high end.” We decided, for instance, that really good food was more important than pretty table linens or matching chairs or fancy china. We decided that we could live without things like party favors at the table (which nobody ever keeps anyway). We didn’t get a regular tiered wedding cake: we decided it was more important that the cake be good than that it look like a conventional wedding cake, so we just got a delicious sheet cake. Folk dancing and waltzing are a big part of our lives, so we had a live band for that. But for the “modern boogie dancing” part of the evening, we just made a dance mix on our iPod instead of getting a DJ.”
Greta and Ingrid told me that they’ve been to lots of different types of weddings, and the ones they enjoyed the most had a personal touch.
Next week I’m posing the question – should you hire a wedding planner. The next week we’ll be talking about picking a venue for your commitment ceremony and reception. I’ll share more wedding stories from same sex couples who have great ideas for staying within your budget. At the end of the series, I’ll let you know if my partner and I were successful at staying under the $2000 mark.
If you’re already committed, what was your experience with the wedding process like? And what tips do you have for saving money on your big event?
Photo Credit: stock.xchg
I can’t stress this enough- utilize your friends! It makes it so much more personalized too.
We had our ceremony almost 15 years ago and spent about $3k grand total- including a week long honeymoon in Ptown. We had 150 people attend the ceremony and our reception. There is no way we could have done it without our friends.
One friend had completed cake decorating classes and volunteered to give us a cake for our present. We were all the more thrilled- and she did a great job. We even got to have our fav cake-Duncan Hines Cherry Chip!
We took two days off work before the wedding- one day to cook the food and one day to decorate and have the rehearsal. We made classic insalate type salads and made cold cuts plates and bought our fav rolls. It was very easy, just time consuming. Our friends helped with all the decorating involved.
My mom and my mother in law made my dress and the witness dresses (my sister and hubby’s sister stood up with us). Hubby rented a tux w/ her bad butch self.
Our biggest expense was the DJ. The hall was the fellowship hall of the church we used- all available to us for some low price like maybe a hundred dollars at the time. We did not need a photographer as everyone who came vowed to send us doubles- and they did- and we had cameras on all the tables at the reception for folks to take pictures and us to develop.
When I say we did everything, I mean it. We made the table arrangements, the favors, the cake topper, everything. We also did not have any catering involved whatsoever which saved beaucoup bucks. Our families ended up volunteering to help serve food and cake. It took us about 8 months to have one day of fun, but worth it.
Now come one Serena….you’ve got all of us here salivating over a Wedding..
tell us how many people are going to be there and I bet we can come up with LOTS of ideas that will make the event fit the Budget.
~ Roland
Diva Jean, thanks for sharing your wedding story. DIY is definitely the way to go. I’ll have more stories from other queer couples in the weeks to come. I love that you had a Cherry Chip cake at your wedding.
Roland, you’re asking me to spoil the surprise! Don’t make me give up all the goods on the first date. Actually, we don’t have an exact head count yet, but we’re guessing we’ll have about 50-60 guests.
My partner and I got married this last summer.
We started out with the goal of spending $5K. At the end of the day we ended up much closer to the national average – but I will say this… I wouldn’t have changed a THING. It was the most beautiful and magical day of our lives together and worth every penny. We did a lot of stuff ourselves – but to us there were many things that it was worth paying vendors for to avoid stress for us and allow our friends and family to lay back and enjoy the day that was for them as much as it was for us.
We were fortunate and had family help us out a little – and I know more budget friendly weddings can be just as meaningful… but for those who want to do it big – it can be worth it. 🙂
Hi Christina – congrats to you and your partner. It sounds like you all had the wedding of your dreams. How lucky for you that your families were willing to help out.
Just wanted to let you guys know about something I think you’ll like, if you’ll pardon the self-promotion.
We at Nearlyweds.com support same sex couples with a few simple features that all of our customers use to personalize their sites.
The main one? The ability to customize your role names. So, rather than simply having the “Bride” and “Groom”… customers can be the “Bride” and “Bride”, or perhaps “The Lucky One” and “Reason for Her Existence”.
We also offer sites that match wedding invitation designs by some well-known professionals. Take a look!
I’m quite excited for you! I find being married is very affirming. I love wearing the ring.
Ours was a small backyard wedding. We kept the 3s down to keep the expenses down. We could only afford so much. It was 25 people, then we all went to a local restaurant where Pam and I had rented a separate room for our guests. Buffet and open bar! Killed our bank account, but hey, I’m Italian. There was no other way.
Serena: This is a great challenge for those planning a wedding, after all I can think of any good reason to jack up debt in order to say I do!
Porter, thanks for letting our readers know about Newlyweds.com. It’s great to know that at least a few wedding vendors are catering to all couples.
Greener Pastures, it sounds like you and Pam had a lovely wedding. I like the idea of going to a restaurant because even though it can add up, the thought of not paying for tables, chairs, linens, wait staff, etc. is tempting. Of course all those things are padded into the price of the food. But you’re just cutting one check, so it’s an easier pill to swallow.
Thanks for the info. Between your post and the comments, this post is very resourceful.
We had a budget wedding for 85 people and, I gotta say, if you’re really committed to “good food” (that was also our top priority), you’d have a hard time coming in at your $2,000 budget. We spent $9,000 on food and service alone – and that was for a buffet. That number does not include alcohol or the cake (which was gifted) or the meat (which we had raised for us by farmer friends.)
Specific individual things that cost about $2,000 dollars: hiring a DJ (little less than 2k) or a band (much more than 2k), renting a tent, renting tables and/or linens, serving a wedding cake, hiring musicians for your ceremony, renting your wedding site, buying suits and having them tailored, rehearsal dinner picnic, 3 hours of booze for 75 people . . .
I’m not saying you couldn’t have a nice wedding on a really tight budget, but you’d really have to manage expectations and/or seriously cut your guest list.
Oh yeah – I forgot photographer and flowers – very hard to get under $1,500. Our flowers were around that price and we bought them at the farmer’s market, had them arranged by our mothers.
I am so looking forward to this series since my partner and I are in the early wedding planning stages. I just cashed out some savings bonds that my grandparents had given me ages ago which just stopped paying interest, and I’ve joked to my partner that our wedding budget is now $4331.20 because that’s what the bonds were worth. (Hey, if you’re going to use money from family in paying for a wedding, it comes with very few strings attached when the relatives died two decades ago.) More seriously, I’m hoping we’re going to come fairly close to that amount anyway, since we want a wedding that’s very nice but quite small, and are willing to cut out some things (like DJ and favors and elaborate attire) that can add up fast. The linen sundress on sale at Talbots is now my $80 wedding dress.
Hi S – Congratulations! When is your big day? That’s awesome you’ve found a dress for under $100. With $4000 to work with, you actually have a pretty big budget to play with.
My husband and I decided that we didn’t want to wait, we wanted to be one of the “limbo” people in case Prop. 8 passed, so we had a small ‘legal’ wedding in late October, a week before the election.
We invited about 20 people, including hubby’s Mom and sister who live nearby, and a friend married us (yes, you can be a Universal Life Church minister for free!) in our living room. We then went to a fancy hotel bar for cocktails and dinner at our favorite Indian restaurant. The manager even bought us a few bottles of wine (who knew they made wine in India!)
We are planning a reception for April (despite Prop. 8). I will say I was shocked at how expensive venues can be! It’s easy to spend $2500 just for a nice place with no food or drink!. We settled on an older hotel..it’s a lovely place built in 1900 that has a wonderful room just the right size for the 100 people we’re having.
The sales manager (who let it slip that her daughter is a dyke) has been incredibly helpful, even though we made it clear that our budget was just $3k (their normal wedding minimum is $10k, but this economy means that they can’t refuse business). They will make the cake, provide the hors d’oeuvres and will charge us corkage for the wine (which still turns out to be cheaper than buying it from them). There will be a keg for our beer drinking friends and a cash bar for those who prefer a martini.
We made a definite choice not to have a DJ or dancing (there will be an iPod with music) and to only have hors d’oeuvres, not dinner. It cuts down on the cost substantially, and frankly, I’d rather mingle at a cocktail party-type atmosphere anyway and be able to talk to more people.
The only sad part is that my 93 year old Grandfather flipped a gasket when I invited him (that taught me a lesson about being ‘officially’ out to people, he was the last one!). Poor thing, his loss. All of the rest of my family who can physically make it will be there, though, some from the opposite coast.
I’d say just do what you want, and don’t let people bully you into doing something…and BE REALISTIC about what you can afford. Frankly, if the weather was more dependable in SF in April we would’ve just had a picnic in Golden Gate Park, but no one wants to stand around and be cold all afternoon!
I can’t wait.
Congratulations, Mike. With the exception of your grandfather, it sounds like your family is on board. I hope your reception turns out just as you want it. I think you make a really good point – staying within your budget is all about scaling down expectations and being realistic about your “wants” and “needs.” You can still have a wonderful celebration of your union without going into debt, and it sounds like you and your partner have some really exciting plans.
We also took advantage of the short-lived right to marry in CA when we went home for a visit in June. Since it became legal only a couple of weeks before we went, we already had plans set with most of the people we wanted to visit. So we were able to organize a ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church for some 25 friends and family who were able to make it last minute. It was lovely. Then, we had a progressive reception for the next week and a half of intimate lunches and dinners with small groups of friends and family. Their gift to us was the meal and we were able to spend focused time with each of them.
That’s a great idea, Carol. It must have been so relaxed to have had a quiet dinner with each of your family and friends separately instead of trying to cram a brief hello in at a reception.
Hi Serena, this is a great idea. So many of us cannot count on family contributions to a wedding, and it is very easy to get caught up in the ideas about weddings should be and look like. I I’m looking forward to reading about your experiences!
I am geting married SOON, and I went BUDGET all the way. Venue-Outside at dusk w/bonfire=free! My friend is a DJ so $100 for her time. Each of our dresses was from DavidsBridal sale outlet and were $60 each($120). The hog is being donated as a gift and roasted as a gift, as well as potato 30 gallons of potato salad! 15 pks of buns $15, 10 cans of jumbo beans came to $56, and 25 bags of chips $25. For the reception we used an old Armory that cost $250 for 4 hours. Wedding and Reception decorations were $139 on ebay (15 glass jars,20pks crystal beads, 50 paper sacks, 24 LED ice cube lights, an aisle runner) 100 wedding invitations were printed for $89, we paid mailing $42, we sent out magnets as well for $89 for 100. We made our own cupcake wedding cake for $23, we will have virgin shirley temples with 50 bags of ice $50, and $100 worth of Sierra Mist and 5 bottles of grenadine at $20. We created a honeymoon account with a local travel agent and we paid for our own wedding and just asked our parents to “donate.” OUR TOTAL WEDDING WILL COST $1055, pictures will come soon!