I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how I want to propose to my partner. Do I want to do something simple and romantic? Something dramatic and public? It’s not something I ever really thought I’d need to consider, but lately I’ve been searching around on the web to see what other gay couples are doing. As more and more same-sex couples have weddings or commitment ceremonies, it is tempting to adopt much of the ritual that heterosexual couples have long used, but there is one part of that ritual that will not be making it into any of my own plans – diamonds as a symbol of love.

The demand for diamonds is the result of what has probably been the most successful marketing campaign in history. De Beers has controlled the majority of the world’s diamond supply since about 1880. As people became aware that diamonds were really as common as cheaper gems, demand fell through the 1920’s, 1930’s, and the Great Depression. Then, in 1947, De Beers launched their “Diamonds Are Forever” campaign. Ultimately, De Beers marketing was shockingly effective at convincing people that diamonds were the proper way to express love. They also managed to convince families to hold onto their diamonds as heirlooms, keeping used diamonds off the market. Hollywood helped out by enshrining the idea in films such as the hit musical “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”, which included the now-classic number “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend”. You can’t buy advertising that good. As demand rose and De Beers purposely restricted supply, diamonds commanded a premium, all because of good marketing. The recent movement against blood diamonds has helped by further restricting supply.

Even more impressive is how De Beers has managed to create new “traditions” to suit their needs. In his book Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity, John Stossel writes, “Russia increased the mining of small diamonds. Since De Beers had to fulfill a purchase contract with Russia, it suddenly had more small diamonds than it could sell. So De Beers started promoting the idea that, after years of marriage, if a man really loved his wife, he would show his devotion by giving her an ‘eternity ring’ – a ring with lots of small diamonds on it. It worked. Today thousands of American women wear eternity rings because of a South African company’s need to accommodate Russia.” The latest example of this is the “right-hand ring“. If De Beers can convince women to adorn their right hands with diamonds as a symbol of independence, I wonder where this will stop. I just hope diamond mouth grills never truly go mainstream.

But what really takes this to a whole new level of absurdity is the availability of synthetic diamonds. Cubic zirconia has been used as a diamond simulant for decades, and now real diamonds can be grown in labs. De Beers created the “Gem Defensive Programme” to raise awareness of manufactured diamonds and convince people that they really want the mined variety. Sophisticated equipment is provided to gem labs to help distinguish manufactured diamonds from mined diamonds. It seems De Beers has been largely successful in this regard as well. In an article for ABC News, John Stossel writes, “Yet women told us, even if they had preferred the look of the imitation, they’d still rather be given the diamond. ‘It just makes you feel like you’re special’, said one woman. ‘I know what I want on my finger, and it has to be the real thing.’ We’ll spend more for a rock because a South African cartel has run a great ad campaign? Apparently we will.”

Consider OPEC for a moment. The organization purposely restricts the supply of oil to inflate prices, just like De Beers does with diamonds. Now imagine if someone figured out how to manufacture oil far more cheaply than it can be extracted from the earth, but OPEC pulled off a marketing campaign that convinced people to pay a huge premium for natural oil even though the synthetic oil was basically indistinguishable. Imagine people going around proudly declaring that they only bought gasoline made from real, natural oil, even though it cost ten times as much and the synthetic was just as good. That sounds ridiculous, but it’s exactly what De Beers has managed to do with the diamond market.

So as we move into an age where same-sex commitment ceremonies become ever more common, let’s take the good parts of the heterosexual rituals and leave the bad ones behind. Diamonds as a symbol of love should be viewed as an artifact of 20th-century pop culture. There are not only better uses for the money, but much more meaningful ways to feel special.