In this week’s Sleeping with Money series in which we talk about money lessons learned from lovers and relationships, I’m going to turn to the device of allusion.

Ghost of Money FutureNearly seven years ago I moved to San Francisco with my boyfriend at the time. He was my first boyfriend ever, and much like Nina’s first same-sex encounter, I met him over the internet. When our relationship ended, I had no idea how to put myself out there on the expansive single’s market, so I went back to the trusty internet.

That’s when I met a character straight out of Charles Dicken’s A Christmas Carol. Instead of being the Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come, he was my Ghost of Money Future. But for the sake of flow and endearment in storytelling, let’s just call him Meathead…

Meathead lived in Santa Cruz, which is about 70 miles south of San Francisco. I have lived in San Francisco all this time without a car. Getting to Santa Cruz by public transportation is a bit of an odyssey. Meathead had a car, but instead of us getting together for romantic walks or long dinners more frequently, we spent a lot of time on the phone, racking up large phone bills. This was just before the dawn of Skype, VoIP and cheaper cell phone plans.

It was quite baffling to my friends that I really liked Meathead. They didn’t like that I had to fight other twinkies for all of his attention and charm. Grudgingly, I have to admit I thought he was pretty sexy. However, the main reason I endured the competition and oppressive phone bills was because I simply loved talking to him. I felt like he completely understood where I was in life, which was what I needed.

To fill you in, my first boyfriend and I separated because he went off to graduate school, and also because I felt we were far too young and incompatible to settle down together. After he left, I freaked out a little in terms of what to do professionally. I was making what I thought was a lot of money for a 23 year-old, but I hated my job. I would have gone to graduate school too if I knew what I wanted to study, and at the same time I was feeling pressured into going to any sort of graduate program just to make my parents happy. So instead, I decided to live off my savings, quit my job and focus on writing.

Oh the foolish errors of youth! But I wish I could say it was just youth that led to such a dumb decision. There was a hint of entitlement that made me quit working. My parents were helping me out significantly after I started running out of money, as they’ve always helped me out when I’d get into money trouble. I’d tell Meathead about it because he would always have something supportive to say. He’d always make me feel better about mooching off my parents.

You see, Meathead was a few years older than me, yet he was still living with his friends from college and some other undergrads. Meathead had no job, no immediate direction, and he was taking his sweet time figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. His parents paid for everything while he sat around watching TV by day and partying by night. His basic motivation in life was to get the same amount of money his parents were giving to his favored brother.

By no means was he independently wealthy. He knew that he’d have to get a job at some point, but figuring out how to make it happen was his problem, and thus our connection.

Thankfully my parents came to their senses and started tightening their wallet with me. I think I was also getting too expensive for them. Hence, I began working again to support myself. This time around I was helping at a drug treatment clinic, which in turn made me feel good about myself. With a higher sense of self-worth by helping people in serious need, my patience dwindled for Meathead and his excuses about responsibility, about meeting up more often, and his outlook on life in general. My job was making me realize that some people are born into very difficult situations, and only a lucky few get out of them. Meathead and I were making a mockery out of the advantages we were handed by refusing to find some way to live up to our potential.

Financially and professionally, I’m not where I want to be in life, but I’m exponentially better off than I was at 23. I’m still pretty far from meeting my goals, but at least I’m taking it day by day, trying to reach them. Being young and having your whole life ahead of you is daunting, frustrating and incredibly challenging. It’s easy to walk away from the challenge. There were so many times I could have been crippled by the anxiety of moving forward, but I fought through (with the help of friends), and I still fight, even if I may feel uncertain or cranky at times about what I’m currently doing to support myself.

I have no idea where Meathead is, or how he ended up, but I hope he’s out there finding the strength to believe in his abilities. He could easily go far with his smarts and his charm if he tried. The lesson he taught me is to try and see what happens. There’s no guarantee you’ll end up exactly where you want to be, but risking failure is better than never trying at something, anything.