Dating on a Budget: The Rules
Your financial goals shouldn’t be hampered by your search for your nightly, weekly, yearly, or life long partner. Although I can’t give you any advice on how to find that person worthy of your dating time, I can help you navigate the choppy dating waters with your credit score unscathed. It is a delicate situation because for some reason, people equate the amount of money you spend with the way you feel about them.
So when dating, regardless of the status of the relationship, it is important for the dates to feel like you spent a lot of money or more succinctly that you are not a cheapskate! I sometimes get offended when I am called cheap. I prefer frugal, thrifty or just plain old budget conscious. Cheap derives a feeling of contempt in the dating world.
Would you be offended if your date requested that you order from the kids menu? What if they pulled out coupons? Or what if the person sitting across from you said you had to order from the “daily special” because you get more bang for your buck? Although true to the money consciousness that I personally practice, it is tacky and unacceptable in a new relationship or on “official dates”. Tact will be your biggest ordeal when it comes to dating on a budget.
No worries. There are a few different factors that influence your spending habits: familiarity with one another, the actual date, and if it’s a special occasion. Here are a few guidelines that will make your courtship rituals fiscally successful:
‘¢ Rule #1: Plan for your date. Dating is such a personal experience. You should want the activity to represent you or your date’s interest, but you shouldn’t go beyond your means just to impress someone. It is easier to do if you know where the deals and specials are in your city. Think about what activities you would want to do, where you want to go, what day of the week, what time of day, and of course how much does it cost? Be open to new experiences. Even if you have a horrible time you can bond over that very event.
‘¢ Rule #2: Just pay cash. Figure out the amount of money you want to spend on a date and take only that amount of cash. If you are anything like me, if you take out emergency money, you will spend the emergency money. Put the credit card away unless your date involves an airplane and a passport. When working for a major credit card company, my pet peeve were those folk who called in on Monday because they couldn’t remember what they spent all that money on over the weekend. Recapping your spending since your last bill sent out 3 weeks ago is undue torture. Don’t put yourself or any unsuspecting call center representative through that. It’s easier to leave a tip, no unsuspecting charges, and you don’t worry about going overboard.
‘¢ Rule #3: Use discretion. Bragging about the amount of money you spent or saved on the date is not cool. Unless you know someone really well, money talk can be a big turnoff! The money conversation should be kept between you and your wallet. For instance, if you buy a gift from the dollar store at Valentine’s Day, no matter how great the gift is you don’t tell the person you got it for $1. You wrap it up in gorgeous wrapping or tissue papers and gift bags. It looks like a million dollars and no one ever knows that you could have just as easily gotten a cheeseburger at your local drive thru for the same amount of money. If you are paying, there is no reason to even let your date see the check.
On date day, the main focus should be your date, not your budget. Since that’s out of the way, we can focus on having a great time!
Photo credit: stock.xchng.
These are great tips especially with it being tight for everyone these days.
Tamara: Welcome aboard and thanks for writing this series. I think those are great rules. In my dating days, Rule #4 was to “Set Expectations” – if I didn’t feel comfortable going dutch and blowing 50 bucks on a nice dinner, then I set the expectation that a cafe or less expensive option was my preference. After the first few dates, I typically started suggesting free activities like hiking – where we could spend a few hours together (getting to know each other) and it didn’t require any big money commitments.
Great first post, Tamara. I agree with you about #3. I think it’s so tacky when people fess up to how little (or how much) they spent on something.
Nina, good point about #4.
I guess using these rules depends on who you’re trying to attract. Personally, I never wanted to be with the sort of person who would “equate the amount of money you spend with the way you feel about them.”
The best first date I ever went on, I asked the woman out by saying, “I have a couple free passes to the science museum that are about to expire — would you like to go there with me?” Her answer was yes. And two years later, near the same museum, she gave me the same answer when I asked her to marry me. 🙂
I’d rather go dutch than have someone ask me to order off the kids’ menu. But there’s something to be said for a free/cheap first date where you don’t have any of the potential awkwardness over who can afford what, who might feel obligated as a result of having something paid for, etc. My partner and I kept it out of the whole early dating process, actually; our next several dates involved a free library pass to another museum, a free outdoor Shakespeare play, and a really cheap festival at an animal sanctuary. Maybe keeping it low-cost helped a couple people who had been out of the dating scene a long time, feel that it really was low-risk to jump back in!
I did break the cardinal sin in writing, equating a few with all. Albeit, *some* people do equate the amount of money you spend on them with the way you feel about them. Not all people are that shallow. Budget does not equate to free. However, I will be exploring free dates in future posts, but that will not always be my focus.
Thanks for the welcome and the great comments! Setting expectations is a great #4. Although I must admit I hate coffee dates. But it is easier to keep the dates on the lower end of the budget if you start out with dates that don’t break the bank.
Welcome Tamara.
Talking about money on a first date can be tacky…but when it and frugality “might” make up a great part of your life (and influence all your lifestyle choices) it may actually come out in the conversation…especially when asked about say “Why do you drive such an old vehicle??” (“Because I’m such a Cheap SOB” would be the answer in my case along with the addition that because my family has always sold cars they are a commodity to me not a prized possession. Get me from A to B is the main criteria.)
Also if you pay attention to what the other person is ordering you might also get an idea of both their tastes in foods and where they think the dollar drops.
A nice bottle of wine is OK…Dom Perignon on a first date tells me the other person might have just a bit too expensive tastes for me (even if I know they can afford it) and that the possibility of money arguments could be in the offing if it might turn serious as a relationship.
~ Roland
Roland: You are so right! That’s why it is important to develop your ideals surrounding money and relationships before you actually get involved.