WWYD: Gifts that keep on giving; the art of regifting
Regift: (verb) To give an unwanted gift to someone else; to give as a gift something one previously received as a gift. ‘“ Webster’s New Millennium Dictionary of English, Preview Edition
Jeanine and I recently received a lovely hostess gift and after realizing ‘“ what it was and where it came from ‘“ I said, ‘œDon’t unwrap it. That will be perfect for so-and-so.’ I can’t actually describe the gift or name the so-and-so, because you can bet I’ll be regifting it this year. Yes, I’m a regifter. There, I said it. I even have a gift drawer. Doesn’t everyone?
We’ve covered the ‘œgift’ topic a few times here: Should you buy a discount gift? Do you buy holiday gifts out of obligation? But low and behold, nobody has ever mentioned regifting at Queercents. That doesn’t mean we’re not all doing it.
According to Regiftable.com, two out of three people have either regifted or are considering regifting. The Los Angeles Times explained its origin:
Regifting — a word whose derivation has been traced to a 1995 ‘œSeinfeld’ episode — is emerging from the closet. Although experts don’t know when the practice started, it’s probably as old as gift-giving itself. These days it’s more popular than ever.
Some attribute the renewed interest to the economy and people’s desire to recycle. All great reasons: save money and save the planet. But is there an art to regrifting? Nora Dunn at Wise Bread suggests that you remember who gave you the gift in the first place:
True story: It’s my second Christmas with my ex’s family. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, hadn’t quite figured me out in terms of what to buy for me, and since the relationship was still kind of new, we were both unclear as to what types of gifts we should get for each other. For our first Christmas, I got her’¦you guessed it’¦soap. (Everybody can use soap, right)? Guess what I got back the next year? That very same raspberry foam soap that I had given her the previous year. And I know that this was a re-gift, because she never would have been able to buy the same soap that second year; the store went out of business!
So’¦re-gift at your own risk. It’s a big bad world of soap out there.
I typically only regift hostess gifts. After all, what am I supposed to do with all those candles, Christmas plates, decorative soaps, and boxes of Sees Candies? Shouldn’t I pass them on? Of course! That seems like a no-brainer.
But what about higher ticket items? For example, I still have unused gift cards. Is it okay then to wrap up that $25 iTunes card and give it to my sister’s stepson? Or is that tacky? He would probably love it and besides, I’m into free downloads these days.
In this week’s What Would You Do, we ask when is okay to regift? When is it not? What are your rules? Give us your best regifting story. We’d love to hear your thoughts.
Further reading:
My friends and I tend to exchange gifts more randomly than around the holiday season. And it’s nice when gift-giving can be done in a thoughtful way that doesn’t stress people out about whether you are getting someone enough or the right stuff.
A lot of friends go to visit their families of origin during December anyway, so perhaps if we were to pick a time, we would do better to pick January.
Maybe this is because I hang out with a lot of activists, but we tend to think of “regifts” as particularly thoughtful. “I came across this and it made me think of you” can be way more thoughtful than “I wandered around a mall trying to find something and couldn’t find anything so bought some crap out of a feeling of obligation.”
Even “I went to a conference and they gave me your favorite kind of chocolate and I brought it home for you,” or “I know you love neat picture frames and I was recently helping a friend clean out her apartment and look at the picture frame she was going to throw away! I saved it for you” can be the best ways to give gifts, even if no money is spent.
Basically, I think done right, regifting can be environmentally friendly, allow for more creativity, deepen friendships, avoid consumerism, save people money, and allow people to celebrate each other throughout the year instead of in some strange and awkward seasonal competitive rush.
I think it’s important to be able to show someone you care about them without necessarily buying something. Maybe I make something, cook something, or just take the time to show up to be there for someone when they need you, even if it’s an inconvenient time. Yes, you might have to buy the supplies to make something, the ingredients with which to cook, or the cup of coffee when you meet someone to talk, but the focus can be on caring rather than buying. I am not saying that buying is inherently bad, I am just saying that we can do things for each other without expecting that things that we care about are always available at the mall.
This story on some level is about “regifting” since we used some already “opened” items- but its way more than that…
This year, we were shocked to discover our family qualifies for Christmas bureau presents. A family of 6 (two moms, 4 kids) on my income= poverty level to some, but not us. We are very blackbelt frugal- and consider ourselves blessed in many ways. We buy presents and sock them away from June thru December- our 4 kidlets get their Xmas wishes and then some. We keep a big box of extras available for birthday party giving too.
Anyhow- our church has a “giving tree†for those less fortunate in its inner city neighborhood. Tags on a Christmas tree indicate the age, gender, and top 3 wishes of the child. Folks in the church buy a present and bring it in unwrapped- so the parents can give to the child. This year, our church had not enough people taking tags and bringing in the gifts. My partner is our church’s council president. When she heard of the problem, she took all 20 tags and advised our pastor she would find a way for all the kids. (I didn’t marry rich- but man oh man did I marry well or what?).
She brought those tags home Monday and had a talk with our kids (ages 8 1/2, 5, 2 1/2, and infant). The two oldest agreed- all the birthday party box was emptied to fill some wishes- then they each went into their rooms and came up with gifts that were at as good as new status. The bookcases were checked through for books to pass on. The craft cupboard was checked for supplies yet unopened. By the time I came home from work, all 20 wish tags had been granted. We also decided to spring for hats and mittens to gift each child- available thru the Dollar Store. So hubby went and spent $40 for all the kids.
I can barely type without welling up from bursting with pride at my family’s love and spirit of giving. This is the best Christmas evah- seeing my kids and hubby do this.
I think the tagging idea is a good one. As long as a person gives me the gift with good intentions, and isn’t trying to foist something off, then I don’t care whether it was discount, free, regift, whatever. 🙂
I really like what wtto said: “I came across this and it made me think of you†can be way more thoughtful than “I wandered around a mall trying to find something and couldn’t find anything so bought some crap out of a feeling of obligation.â€
I’ve been telling my friends and family that the best gift they can give me is nothing, or a regift. Really, I’d prefer nothing, to minimize the clutter of my house, but at least a regift avoids the waste involved in manufacturing, shipping, and ultimately trashing a new present.
WTTO: “I think it’s important to be able to show someone you care about them without necessarily buying something.” Well-said! Bravo!
DivaJean: Beautiful story. That’s the true spirit of the season. Your kids are evolved souls!
Mrs. Micah: I’m with you… the intent matters more than the gift itself.
Kweeket: There’s nothing wrong with “I came across this…” Why can’t a gift keep on giving? Even with all the lighter footstep evangelizing, our culture still has a long way to go when it comes to re-use.
On the question of: “when is it okay to regift?”
My mother dislikes receiving Christmas presents that aren’t personal to her. In other words, she doesn’t like a present such as a toaster for the kitchen. If someone’s giving you a present, it should be something that “you” are going to use, not something that “everyone” is going to use. (Wait, I don’t mean to paint a picture of an ungrateful woman…really I don’t. I think you can understand what I’m trying to say here though… right? She loves the gift, she just doesn’t have any use for them. In her mind, someone else is better off with the gift.)
Anyway, she’s known for re-gifting these particular gifts. And sometimes even with the original wrapping! Lol.
I wish I would never get a regift present. I don’t like the idea of regifting. Maybe, it is easier to regift the present you don’t like, but there is always a chance that you will make a mistake and will give it to the person who made this present. It will be an awkward situation…
i like what wtto said about giving presents when you come across something that you think someone will like. i love free stuff and bargains and keep the people in my life in mind when i come across them. i also shop all year round for presents so i don’t take such a hit at the holidays and so i don’t have to scramble if i need a gift.