Birthday presentsAre you an anti-materialistic parent like me?Do you eschew gifts’”giving and /or getting them—for kids’ birthday parties? Well, you’re part of a trend. Lots of parents are trying to deescalate the birthday wars, and are opting out altogether from the tradition of giving and getting gifts at kids’ birthdays.

I respect that. I can understand why a parent might not want to encourage mindless materialism. We want our kids to find value in experiences, not just objects; doesn’t the whole gift-giving birthday frenzy undermine that? Why not do away with birthday gifts and instead either ask for donations to a favorite cause (which in my daughter’s case would be the Save a Binky Foundation) or simply enjoy the day without gifts?

Well, on this one, I’m old-fashioned. I like gifts: getting them, but most of all, giving them. And I think the best gifts are neither expensive nor materialistic. They’re expressions of our feelings toward the recipient, whether we make them ourselves (which I prefer) or buy them. And I think you can raise your kids to be antimaterialistic and still enjoy giving them gifts.

So we’ll be happily receiving birthday gifts for our daughter.

And giving our friends and family meaningful, handmade, aesthetically gorgeous, lasting gifts when their bdays roll around.

See, we don’t celebrate Christmas, and we don’t exchange big gifts for the holidays that we do celebrate. So b-days are going to be the one big gift-giving time. I think birthdays can be the exception to the rule: the one day we celebrate (partially) through gifts. My daughter’s first birthday is coming around (March 27!), and I’m looking forward to seeing what she gets: not in the spirit of collecting swanky swag for swanky swag’s sake, but because the gifts will be a permanent reminder of someone else’s love for my daughter.

And I don’t have to tell my friends and family what kinds of gifts (homemade, indiosyncratic, gender-neutral, inventive) we like and dislike; they know us, and know what we’ll enjoy (and not enjoy!). As for donations to causes, I think that’s fine, but it lacks individuality. I’d rather have my daughter decide for herself what causes she wants to give to when she’s a little older and we do an end-of-year donation ritual.

Material objects have their place, in birthdays and in life. I think mindful consumerism is possible, even in the sea of plastic crap that is unrelentingly marketed to kids. In fact, teaching my daughter to honor giving and receiving’¦.is a gift.

We also intend to continue a tradition my mother instilled in me: the thank-you card.

No matter how big or small the gift, I was expected to write a handwritten, heartfelt thank-you card each and every time I received a gift. My relatives have kept some of my more hilarious efforts (‘œThanks for the slinky. I ate it.’). Gratitude is always in style.

So, where do you stand on gifts? Do you let your kids choose gifts for their friends? Do you set money limits? Do you eschew gifts altogether? Do you think the anti-gift movement is ridiculous, or a way of keeping the keeping-up-with-the-Joneses materialistic frenzy to a minimum?